COME ON, KENNIS!!

This is the entire first episode of "I want to work for Diddy 2." I only wanted to point out one part of it. At 28:45. I don't know why it's so great, I just love it.

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"Come on, Kennis!"

The reason things are awful

After last night's premiere of "For the Love of Ray J" and now this song, I have decided. Everything is awful. This is T-Pains new song. It's called "Take Your Shirt Off" I choose to believe it was inspired by that Joe's Crab Shack commercial.

Take Your Shirt Off - T-Pain

VH1 update!

So guess what, For the Love of Ray J 2 exists! What?! Surprise! That brings the count to 17! 17 awful shows! But I'm watching it. I kind of hope this trend never ends. Unfortunately, no one seems to have a tiger tattooed on their face. Also, someone just said "Tasty Wasty." This show is awful.

Jake is back in his VH1 saddle

Megan Wants a Millionaire cancelled!

Megan wants a millionaire was cancelled apparently this week. If you've been paying attention to the news you know one of the contestants is a main suspect in the murder of some model. VH1 won't be airing the rest of the show and that bums me out.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of another fantastic episode of Megan Wants a Millionaire!

Last night premiered the second episode of Megan wants a millionaire and as the title of this post suggests, it was fantastic. The challenge in this episode was a "talent show" and by talent show I mean Megan gets gifts. I have a feeling every challenge will just be Megan getting gifts. Every VH1 show has this episode. In the Daisy of Love version Flipper rapped and then hit himself over the head with a bottle, because he's smart. http://www.joost.com/080ydtq/t/Flipper-SUCKS#id=080ydtq Watching that video again made me realize two things. One: Cable Guy is really cool. Two: I hated that show. So on Megan wants a millionaire (which I love) the guys had to impress Megan with all their money, which isn't much of a challenge. Some of the "best" were Punisher's gift, in which he danced around in a leather thong because he's a millionaire stripper. Apparently it's impossible to have a VH1 show without a stripper. Al, who you remember from the first episode as the guy who had "Dog Jaw," redeemed himself with this challenge by getting Megan $8,000 to a Plastic Surgery place in Florida. petty cash. "Big Mike" (not to be confused with Crazy Mike from Daisy of Love) has "connections" and had a guy he knows make Megan a dress. They make Big Mike seem like a mob boss. He probably isn't, but that would be a cool twist. An even cooler twist would be if all of the contestants were actually dead! M! Night Shyamalan! I'm pretty sure that won't happen though. Joe, the trust fund baby who totally isn't gay, promise!, gave Megan a bikini that said "Trophy Wife" but it was written in crayon. My personal "favorite" was Garth who had been writing a song for Megan for the last two years called "Sex Mode" I'll let you imagine what the songs sounds like (It isn't good, I'll give you that.) The weirdest part of his performance wasn't the song, it was the fact that Garth played his song on a 13 year-old girl's boom-box and just kind of glided around the room and lip-synced to his own song. Garth is my least favorite. His hair is really greasy and he always has this weird smirk on his face. When he's not wearing his suit he's wearing a red and yellow jump suit. He's a very strange person. Anyway, Garth feels really good about his song. He's pretty sure he's going to win. He lost. Al, Big Mike and Shaun (who let Megan and her friends eat Sushi off of him) won. Garth mad! Garth s'pos'd to win! Garth confront Megan! Also, his eyes are really shifty and they creep me out. Garth goes to Megan's room and is all like "What up with that?" and Megan's all like "What do you mean?" and Garth's all like "I worked two years on that song!" and Megan's all like "sorry." Garth mad! Elsewhere, Al, Big Mike and Shaun are being told that they can "enhance the date" by buying Megan more things. Big Mike says he's got something else up his sleeve. He's got connections. Shaun and Al decide to buy all three gifts, a dozen roses, a bracelet and a coat, and split the cost. But Shaun's credit card doesn't work! OH NO! So Al pays for all of the gifts and Shaun said he'd pay him back (Spoiler: He doesn't!) Megan is hanging out with the other guys when Garth comes up and is all like "UHHHH I'm really stupid and annoying so I'm quitting! *mouth faaarrrt*" I'm paraphrasing, slightly. But Megan won't have it so she and Garth go back to her room and she persuades him to stay. She tells him he didn't win because she wanted something more romantic, so he begins reciting the lines of "Sex Mode" more sensually. It made me uncomfortable. He then says something awful like "Gimme some sugar." ugh. I'm so glad he was eliminated. oops. I wasn't supposed to say that! Megan puts her lips as close to Garth's without kissing him and darts back saying, "You'll get a kiss when you deserve a kiss" and walks away. Megan is probably the best person to have her own show on VH1 ever. After the odd conversation with Garth Megan goes on her date with the three guys and nothing very interesting happens. Before elimination Joe, the not gay (promise!) trust fund baby, kinda-sorta makes out with Megan's dog. But the dog started it! kind of. Megan says "My Dog is getting more action than me!" At elimination Al gets the first is called up first, which is important in VH1 shows. Everyone else except Joe, Shaun, and Garth is told their "credit is good". Megan calls Garth up and cuts his card in half and says something awesome. Then she calls Shaun up and cuts his card in half. Then she calls Joe, the not gay (promise!) trust fund baby up and is going to cut his card in half. But Joe is all like "I'll step it up!" So she gives him his card back. It's still too early to pick a winner, but Al 00 Dave and Big Mike are looking good.

Megan Wants a Millionaire is so much better than expected!

Megan Wants a Millionaire premiered tonight and, boy oh boy, it was incredible. The show was originally called "Trophy Wife," I think the new name is much better. The show started with Megan standing in front of a mansion greeting each of her "suitors" at the door and Niles narrating. Niles is the british butler. I can already tell this is going to be the classiest VH1 show ever. Once all the guys are in the house Brandi C. from Rock of Love and Cecille (pronounced Sea-sill) from Beauty and the Geek step out of a limo and are apparently judges. Megan gives each of the guys a present. There are 17 guys, excuse me, Millionaires vying for Megan's affection. My personal favorite is Donald. Donald is a 50 year old movie producer who you can see in the picture. When he wears his glasses he looks like an uglier version of Milton from Office Space. I also really like David, who calls himself "Double 0 Dave" I don't remember why I like him so much, he just seems like a normal person. One of my least favorites is Audi, yeah, that's his name. But it's ok because he gets eliminated, along with two others. Two of the contestants are "Trust fund babies" but one of them is a waiter who lives with his parents and waits for his Grandpa to die. I think an apt nickname for him would have been "The Waiter" but it doesn't matter because he gets eliminated with Audi and one other person. The other trust fund baby is worth $10 million and one of the most annoying people in the world. His name is Joe and I can't blame him for being so annoying because Garth broke his glittery Piggy Bank, which was a gift from Megan. (They all got gifts, but that's not important.) Now Garth, geez, Garth's a character, lemme tell ya' (I think Sarah Palin wrote that last sentence.) Garth is not only an owner of a plumbing business, but also a plumber in said business. He gets in a lot of shit on and off the show. (Puns!) Al is another Millionaire on the show. He's labeled as "The Nervous Guy" and for good reason. When he first talks to Megan he stumbles over his words and is incredibly awkward. So, to redeem himself he gives Megan a foot massage and somehow brings the conversation to his jaw. He tells Megan he has "Dog Jaw." You should be able to tell from the quotation marks that "Dog Jaw" is going to turn out badly. Al directs Megan to put her finger on his jaw. When she does he snaps his head at her and barks in her face. She spills her drink and Al "The great foot massager" goes back to Al "The guy who thinks that barking in a girl's face is a good idea" like he was at the beginning of the show. ugh. That guy has no game. Unlike me??? That's what Ralph was saying, but without the question marks. I don't like Ralph. He broke Joe's glittery piggy bank because he was annoyed with listening to Joe and Donald talk about movies. At elimination Megan gave 14 of the millionaires credit cards. But, for three of the guys their credit was "not approved." This is by far the best way anyone's been eliminated from a show on VH1. The three millionaires who were eliminated were Audi, because he sucked, 'The Waiter," because "he could be [Megan's] prince charming someday, but SOMEDAY." Donald was the third guy to be eliminated because he was so unattractive. When he was eliminated he said. I'll take the advice of Lady Gaga and "Just Dance" I'm so happy to replace that "hot" "blonde" Daisy with this hot "blonde" Megan.

Daisy of Love finale, people!

Right now I'm watching the Daisy of Love finale and LOVING IT, but actually more like hating it. London, 12 Pack and Flex (in alphabetical order... NOT!) are competing for Daisy's love, for some reason. They four of them have arrived in Maui. And Daisy was looking Haaaaaawtt in her bikini! Not. They have dinner and it's SUPER-emotional. Daisy asks 12 Pack how he feels about her and he throws up in his mouth (probably) and Flex gives a list of his favorite things about her and I realize 12 Pack is here for TV. Time for elimination! at an airport!! because of how that makes sense. London is called up and she puts him in the limo, he's in the final 2. good for him. She then calls 12 Pack up and he realizes he's going home and is incredibly over-dramatic and obviously acting. Daisy starts crying because 12 Pack won't say goodbye, so Flex picks her up. literally. It was weird. So the limo leaves with London and Daisy and Flex run into the helicopter and Daisy completely forgets about 12 Pack and he's left alone in the parking lot. Flex and Daisy go on a super-sexy date. (ugh.) Daisy says "tonight may be the night" that what? that Flex realizes how disgusting she is and decides to leave and London was just kidding about coming back so she leaves alone. That didn't happen. [Commercial Break: District 9 looks awesome. Charm School is done tomorrow. Funny People looks great, I'm really excited. 21 Guns by Green Day is a terrible song.] And we're back! yeah? Flex walks back to his room deliberately shirtless. Time for London's date with Daisy. The two of them are making out in the back of the limo and they're both wearing black nail polish. You can imagine what it looks like. London and Daisy go horseback riding and Daisy's horse poops constantly, whcih summarizes the whole show. Daisy: "You scare me." London: "Well, stop being scared." MAKE-OUT! Daisy gets really upset, I think I missed something, but she's crying now. Now Daisy is talking to Riki Rikchtman,or however you spell his name. London has a cat named Phyllis. Flex and London are waiting for Daisy at the elimination. Daisy walks up and is wearing a cute dress. gross. "This is the hardest decision of my life!" COMMERCIAL! It's back! Only 6 more minutes of this show ever! (hopefully.) And the winner is... London. I think. She said she needs Flex, but wants London. Then London stuck his tongue to Daisy large intestine. OK, yeah London won. Too bad for him.

A convoluted, but accurate, timeline.

Click the image to make it larger.

This puts in perspective VH1 shows. Remember, these are only the "of love" shows, which is only about half. There is also The Pick Up Artist, Tough Love, Ego Trip, Hogan Knows Best, Charm School, Dr. Drew and many others.

No, oh no. Please no.

VH1 is certainly successful in their "of love" spin-offs. But it's gone from ridiculous to almost unbearable. I was researching Megan hauserman of Megan Wants a millionaire and saw a "related page" on wikipedia was "The Entertainer of Love" "Like Cedric the Entertainer?" I thought. So I clicked on the link. While the page was loading I remembered there was a contestant on I Love New York called The Entertainer. And now he has his own show. But, ladies, the show hasn't been cast yet. just sayin'.

I'm so excited!! (and I also can not just hide it!)

Megan Hauserman, who may have been on more reality shows than VH1 has even had, finally has her own show! It looks like it may be the best VH1 show ever! Not even kidding. Megan was on Rock of Love 2 and got pretty far, probably. I can't really remember. She must have. She was blonde and had big boobs. So she must have. I like her because she manipulated everyone on I Love Money and quit when she realized she was going to get kicked off by her victims.

Watch this whole thing. It's incredible.

Third post in a row about Daisy of Love. I'm getting bored.

Tonight premieres the FOURTH episode of Daisy of Love. Listen to this though, VH1 previews the ENTIRE episode at 11 AM every sunday. I watched the fourth episode and was bummed to see only one person went home... BUTITWASSODRAMATIC! Let me set the scene: The "sexy boyz" walk into what is assumed to be the living room to see INSTRUMENTS! They're all soooo excited. Nine "sexy boyz" are left, there were 12 last episode. The nine left are split into three teams. Each band has to write a song based on... wait for it... nursery rhymes! HAHA! They have two hours to write their song. They all suck, but sinister's team actually constructed what sounded, slightly, like a song. Big Rig, 6 Gauge and Flex's team can't play at all, so they decide to get nude. Thanks VH1. London's band (by the way, London is too good for Daisy) was not very good, they didn't play their song well and they didn't get nude, yet, somehow, they won. Because London "looked so hot ... [Daisy] just wanted to make out with him." Thanks VH1. London, Chi Chi and Cage (who is named Cage because he fights in cage matches. clever.) go on their date with Daisy to the Gibson Showroom where they all receive Gibson Epiphone guitars. Daisy and Gibson wanted to give away these three guitars. I don't think Gibson did. Throughout the date London gets more and more upset because Daisy isn't paying attention to him and he wants her, for some reason. Daisy takes Cage on some alone time and this REALLY UPSETS London. On the limo ride back to the house London FREAKS OUT on Daisy and she gets REALLY UPSET. Boo-hoo. They get back to the house and the team that got nude at the challenge is forced to get makeovers, because Daisy said "What's the fun of having boy-toys if you can't play with them?" Thanks VH1. Back at the house the rest of them play truth or dare and Daisy asks why London's dad kicked him out of the house, oh yeah, London was talking about that earlier. This makes London REALLY UPSET and he says "OK I guess I'm leaving." This is the third time he's threatened to leave. This makes Daisy REALLY UPSET. All of the sudden it's elimination and London is there, even though he said he was leaving. Daisy had apparently convinced him to stay with her luscious lips. Thanks VH1. She gives chains to some people and gets to London, but London turns it down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This REALLY UPSETS Daisy and she walks out. Some people haven't been given their chains yet and these people are confused and REALLY UPSET. Then the show ends. CLIFFHANGER! I can't wait until next week!

Remember when I said Daisy of Love was worth talking about? I lied. Also, Uncut Flipper - Cable Guy fight!

The latest episode of DoL was on Sunday night. Though entertaining, nothing interesting happened. The guys were put into teams and shot at with paintballs while running with a mannequin that, according to Daisy, wasn't as hot as her. Actually, I'd rather look at the mannequin than her. There were three teams, each wearing a different color. Black, Orange and Brown. Daisy says "all the guys look super-hot, but some of them look like their in prison, but that's pretty hot too!" Yeah... One of the teams won, I believe it was the black team... AND THEN Brooklyn says "uh... I have to say something... I'm still in love with my ex-girlfriend." Then he was yelled at a lot and left. cool, there have only been three episodes and in two of them someone left on their own, and in the premiere the triplets said they were only there for the food. If this keeps up, the show will be done in half the time. I think, I'm not one for math. Sinister (yes, his name is Sinister, and he's not all that sinister.) is chosen as the MVP, even though that prize wasn't announced beforehand. That night everyone goes to a club and Sinister's reward for being the arbitrary MVP is some alone time with Daisy in a private room! Yeah? Daisy tells Sinister to go to the private room and she'd meet him there. She completely forgot about him.
Back at the house erv'b'dy b hangin out and Cable Guy is upset because everyone is so aggressive and he isn't getting any of Daisy's attention, so they go outside and he tells her about himself. At elimination it's down to Cable Guy and Toolbox, who, earlier in the episode, got really drunk and said he "wasn't feeling this. Nah... I mean... Ya know.... nah..." Daisy says "I have one chain left and it's not for you... Cable Guy." WHAT?!?!! You should be flattered that guy even was in "your" house. (It's also the Surreal Life house, the "most smartest model" house, Bret Michaels' "house", New York's "house", Real and Chance's "ranch". Do you get it? They recycle this house. This house is a slut. It's had so many people inside it.) Immediatly after Cable Guy leaves Flex says "I have somethin to say. Toolbox said he didn't feel like you guys had a connection." Thanks a lot Flex, you could have saved Cable Guy, but no, you didn't Thanks a lot. A screaming match occurred and ended with Daisy saying "Do you want to be here." and Toolbox saying "It's up to you." She then threw his chain, quite dramatically, on the ground and they both left (in opposite directions).

The fight! Uncut!

Daisy of Love is something worth talking about.

I was severely not looking forward to the premiere of Daisy of Love. A couple of weeks
before "The Bus Michaels Show" (VH1! sitcom? We all know you haven't put music first for years.) ended previews for Daisy of Love began.. and I wanted to take Daisy and shake her violently and tell her "You are NOT attractive and the title of your show doesn't make sense!!!" These were my thoughts before I had seen the characters (I have trouble saying they are contestants.) Eventually The Bus Michaels Show ended, thankfully. Taya won. I believe I posted about it. The week after the GODAWFUL reunion, Daisy of Love premiered. I watched the premiere... and, boy, was I wrong. 20 guys move into the house I've come to feel sorry for. A limo pulls up and everyone gets really excited to see Daisy. I've seen a lot of VH1 shows, the person in the first limo is not the person the characters are competing for. Riki Rachtman (or something like that), of Rock of Love and no other fame steps out of the limo. The cheers cease. He prefaces Daisy, because she's so awesome? He asks how many of the guys are in a band, most of them are. He says "Bands suck. I don't want to hear about it." I wanted to give this guy a high five. The guys go inside and get drunk quickly, thanks to editing. They are then directed to another room in the house where Daisy and back-up dancers "perform." Everyone freaks out because she so "beautiful" I have to use quotes, because she's not beautiful. She then gives all the guys nicknames because, ya know, that's what they did in Rock of Love, oh wait, no they didn't. There were 20 names and 5 of the characters were kicked out that night. Also there were swedish triplets in a band called "snake of eden" They were entertaining, but eliminated, as well as a guy named "Torch" and someone else I've already forgotten.

OK! Episode 2: This is when it gets awesome!

A show-and-tell challenge was staged. Weasel showed pictures of when he was beat up in the hospital. He also gives her a daisy bracelet. Weasel, who was named because his real name was Pauly, which reminded Daisy of Pauly Shore, wins the date, along with three other guys. As it turns out, Weasel is an alcoholic and sucks a lot. He is sent home, as well as Professor, who apparently just SUCKS and is TOTALLY BORING! At the show-and-tell challenge Flipper (who flips a lot, hence his name) "raps." The best part is Cable Guy's comment at the end when flipper... flips.

sorry about the bad quality.



After the show and tell challenge the guys are all laughing about Flipper's rap by the pool and then Flipper walks out! OH NO! (Flipper then storms into Daisy's room and basically just yells a lot. He then simply leaves the house.)

again, sorry about the bad quality.

The Bus Michaels show! The (final?) finale!

Sunday marked the finale of The Bus Michaels Show and let me tell you, it was awfsome. (adj. so awful it is awesome.) If you haven't been following the show let me sum it up. Some number of whores went on the road with Bus Michaels. Now it is down to two, Taya, who is Penthouse Pet of the year and Mindy, who has a southern accent. The final two are getting ready and Bus Michaels walks into their room. They sit down at the table and Bus Michaels explains the three of them will be going to the Dominican Republic on a private jet. That's cool, you would think. but But Michaels put air-quotes around "private jet" and "Dominican Republic" which made me think they were probably just riding coach by themselves with maybe a few fat tourists and their annoying kids and going to a man-made beach with heat lamps.
I took notes during the finale and wrote down some of the funniest moments. I think I should have written more cohesive notes, one of my points is just "America." I don't remember that at all.
There was a shot of the beach at the sunset in the "Dominican Republic" and it looked curiously CG. Eventually, Bus Michaels took Mindy on a date. She asks "Did I just step into a romance novel?" I don't remember what they did on the date, I believe they ate food and walked around. Bret says he is ''the most romantic man ever." Mindy goes back to the room the next morning and Taya loses all respect for her because she spent the night with Bus Michaels... even though she posed in Penthouse.
Taya is now very nervous about her date. She says she has to step up her game 1000% because that's possible. She's so nervous she feels like she's pregnant, going through menopause and PMSing all at the same time. I, personally, do not know what any of those things feel like, but I imagine it is unpleasent. On the date Taya says "What the hell is going on? I don't know what the hell is going on!" Wow, that was redundant. I don't remember what they did on their date. They probably ate food and walked around. That bus Michaels is the most romantic man in the world. Remember? He gave himself that title, and he's living up to it. At the end of the date Taya doesn't spend the night with him. Bus Michaels sad.
Bus Michaels has to decide what to do and who to pick. He says he "has to spend some romantic alone time with himself." As opposed to a romantic time alone with other people.
The two "Hotnesses" cake on make-up and get on their dresses (like U2's "Get on your boots"). Apparently, they think if you wear more make-up you're more attractive. They're wrong. Bus Michaels calls Mindy up. He sends her packing. Taya wins and says "I wasn't the safe choice, but I was the right choice." That was an awful thing to say.

Next week: Reunion 2 weeks: Daisy of Love