Megan Wants a Millionaire cancelled!

Megan wants a millionaire was cancelled apparently this week. If you've been paying attention to the news you know one of the contestants is a main suspect in the murder of some model. VH1 won't be airing the rest of the show and that bums me out.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of another fantastic episode of Megan Wants a Millionaire!

Last night premiered the second episode of Megan wants a millionaire and as the title of this post suggests, it was fantastic. The challenge in this episode was a "talent show" and by talent show I mean Megan gets gifts. I have a feeling every challenge will just be Megan getting gifts. Every VH1 show has this episode. In the Daisy of Love version Flipper rapped and then hit himself over the head with a bottle, because he's smart. http://www.joost.com/080ydtq/t/Flipper-SUCKS#id=080ydtq Watching that video again made me realize two things. One: Cable Guy is really cool. Two: I hated that show. So on Megan wants a millionaire (which I love) the guys had to impress Megan with all their money, which isn't much of a challenge. Some of the "best" were Punisher's gift, in which he danced around in a leather thong because he's a millionaire stripper. Apparently it's impossible to have a VH1 show without a stripper. Al, who you remember from the first episode as the guy who had "Dog Jaw," redeemed himself with this challenge by getting Megan $8,000 to a Plastic Surgery place in Florida. petty cash. "Big Mike" (not to be confused with Crazy Mike from Daisy of Love) has "connections" and had a guy he knows make Megan a dress. They make Big Mike seem like a mob boss. He probably isn't, but that would be a cool twist. An even cooler twist would be if all of the contestants were actually dead! M! Night Shyamalan! I'm pretty sure that won't happen though. Joe, the trust fund baby who totally isn't gay, promise!, gave Megan a bikini that said "Trophy Wife" but it was written in crayon. My personal "favorite" was Garth who had been writing a song for Megan for the last two years called "Sex Mode" I'll let you imagine what the songs sounds like (It isn't good, I'll give you that.) The weirdest part of his performance wasn't the song, it was the fact that Garth played his song on a 13 year-old girl's boom-box and just kind of glided around the room and lip-synced to his own song. Garth is my least favorite. His hair is really greasy and he always has this weird smirk on his face. When he's not wearing his suit he's wearing a red and yellow jump suit. He's a very strange person. Anyway, Garth feels really good about his song. He's pretty sure he's going to win. He lost. Al, Big Mike and Shaun (who let Megan and her friends eat Sushi off of him) won. Garth mad! Garth s'pos'd to win! Garth confront Megan! Also, his eyes are really shifty and they creep me out. Garth goes to Megan's room and is all like "What up with that?" and Megan's all like "What do you mean?" and Garth's all like "I worked two years on that song!" and Megan's all like "sorry." Garth mad! Elsewhere, Al, Big Mike and Shaun are being told that they can "enhance the date" by buying Megan more things. Big Mike says he's got something else up his sleeve. He's got connections. Shaun and Al decide to buy all three gifts, a dozen roses, a bracelet and a coat, and split the cost. But Shaun's credit card doesn't work! OH NO! So Al pays for all of the gifts and Shaun said he'd pay him back (Spoiler: He doesn't!) Megan is hanging out with the other guys when Garth comes up and is all like "UHHHH I'm really stupid and annoying so I'm quitting! *mouth faaarrrt*" I'm paraphrasing, slightly. But Megan won't have it so she and Garth go back to her room and she persuades him to stay. She tells him he didn't win because she wanted something more romantic, so he begins reciting the lines of "Sex Mode" more sensually. It made me uncomfortable. He then says something awful like "Gimme some sugar." ugh. I'm so glad he was eliminated. oops. I wasn't supposed to say that! Megan puts her lips as close to Garth's without kissing him and darts back saying, "You'll get a kiss when you deserve a kiss" and walks away. Megan is probably the best person to have her own show on VH1 ever. After the odd conversation with Garth Megan goes on her date with the three guys and nothing very interesting happens. Before elimination Joe, the not gay (promise!) trust fund baby, kinda-sorta makes out with Megan's dog. But the dog started it! kind of. Megan says "My Dog is getting more action than me!" At elimination Al gets the first is called up first, which is important in VH1 shows. Everyone else except Joe, Shaun, and Garth is told their "credit is good". Megan calls Garth up and cuts his card in half and says something awesome. Then she calls Shaun up and cuts his card in half. Then she calls Joe, the not gay (promise!) trust fund baby up and is going to cut his card in half. But Joe is all like "I'll step it up!" So she gives him his card back. It's still too early to pick a winner, but Al 00 Dave and Big Mike are looking good.

Megan Wants a Millionaire is so much better than expected!

Megan Wants a Millionaire premiered tonight and, boy oh boy, it was incredible. The show was originally called "Trophy Wife," I think the new name is much better. The show started with Megan standing in front of a mansion greeting each of her "suitors" at the door and Niles narrating. Niles is the british butler. I can already tell this is going to be the classiest VH1 show ever. Once all the guys are in the house Brandi C. from Rock of Love and Cecille (pronounced Sea-sill) from Beauty and the Geek step out of a limo and are apparently judges. Megan gives each of the guys a present. There are 17 guys, excuse me, Millionaires vying for Megan's affection. My personal favorite is Donald. Donald is a 50 year old movie producer who you can see in the picture. When he wears his glasses he looks like an uglier version of Milton from Office Space. I also really like David, who calls himself "Double 0 Dave" I don't remember why I like him so much, he just seems like a normal person. One of my least favorites is Audi, yeah, that's his name. But it's ok because he gets eliminated, along with two others. Two of the contestants are "Trust fund babies" but one of them is a waiter who lives with his parents and waits for his Grandpa to die. I think an apt nickname for him would have been "The Waiter" but it doesn't matter because he gets eliminated with Audi and one other person. The other trust fund baby is worth $10 million and one of the most annoying people in the world. His name is Joe and I can't blame him for being so annoying because Garth broke his glittery Piggy Bank, which was a gift from Megan. (They all got gifts, but that's not important.) Now Garth, geez, Garth's a character, lemme tell ya' (I think Sarah Palin wrote that last sentence.) Garth is not only an owner of a plumbing business, but also a plumber in said business. He gets in a lot of shit on and off the show. (Puns!) Al is another Millionaire on the show. He's labeled as "The Nervous Guy" and for good reason. When he first talks to Megan he stumbles over his words and is incredibly awkward. So, to redeem himself he gives Megan a foot massage and somehow brings the conversation to his jaw. He tells Megan he has "Dog Jaw." You should be able to tell from the quotation marks that "Dog Jaw" is going to turn out badly. Al directs Megan to put her finger on his jaw. When she does he snaps his head at her and barks in her face. She spills her drink and Al "The great foot massager" goes back to Al "The guy who thinks that barking in a girl's face is a good idea" like he was at the beginning of the show. ugh. That guy has no game. Unlike me??? That's what Ralph was saying, but without the question marks. I don't like Ralph. He broke Joe's glittery piggy bank because he was annoyed with listening to Joe and Donald talk about movies. At elimination Megan gave 14 of the millionaires credit cards. But, for three of the guys their credit was "not approved." This is by far the best way anyone's been eliminated from a show on VH1. The three millionaires who were eliminated were Audi, because he sucked, 'The Waiter," because "he could be [Megan's] prince charming someday, but SOMEDAY." Donald was the third guy to be eliminated because he was so unattractive. When he was eliminated he said. I'll take the advice of Lady Gaga and "Just Dance" I'm so happy to replace that "hot" "blonde" Daisy with this hot "blonde" Megan.

I'm so excited!! (and I also can not just hide it!)

Megan Hauserman, who may have been on more reality shows than VH1 has even had, finally has her own show! It looks like it may be the best VH1 show ever! Not even kidding. Megan was on Rock of Love 2 and got pretty far, probably. I can't really remember. She must have. She was blonde and had big boobs. So she must have. I like her because she manipulated everyone on I Love Money and quit when she realized she was going to get kicked off by her victims.

Watch this whole thing. It's incredible.