Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Bus Michaels show! The (final?) finale!

Sunday marked the finale of The Bus Michaels Show and let me tell you, it was awfsome. (adj. so awful it is awesome.) If you haven't been following the show let me sum it up. Some number of whores went on the road with Bus Michaels. Now it is down to two, Taya, who is Penthouse Pet of the year and Mindy, who has a southern accent. The final two are getting ready and Bus Michaels walks into their room. They sit down at the table and Bus Michaels explains the three of them will be going to the Dominican Republic on a private jet. That's cool, you would think. but But Michaels put air-quotes around "private jet" and "Dominican Republic" which made me think they were probably just riding coach by themselves with maybe a few fat tourists and their annoying kids and going to a man-made beach with heat lamps.
I took notes during the finale and wrote down some of the funniest moments. I think I should have written more cohesive notes, one of my points is just "America." I don't remember that at all.
There was a shot of the beach at the sunset in the "Dominican Republic" and it looked curiously CG. Eventually, Bus Michaels took Mindy on a date. She asks "Did I just step into a romance novel?" I don't remember what they did on the date, I believe they ate food and walked around. Bret says he is ''the most romantic man ever." Mindy goes back to the room the next morning and Taya loses all respect for her because she spent the night with Bus Michaels... even though she posed in Penthouse.
Taya is now very nervous about her date. She says she has to step up her game 1000% because that's possible. She's so nervous she feels like she's pregnant, going through menopause and PMSing all at the same time. I, personally, do not know what any of those things feel like, but I imagine it is unpleasent. On the date Taya says "What the hell is going on? I don't know what the hell is going on!" Wow, that was redundant. I don't remember what they did on their date. They probably ate food and walked around. That bus Michaels is the most romantic man in the world. Remember? He gave himself that title, and he's living up to it. At the end of the date Taya doesn't spend the night with him. Bus Michaels sad.
Bus Michaels has to decide what to do and who to pick. He says he "has to spend some romantic alone time with himself." As opposed to a romantic time alone with other people.
The two "Hotnesses" cake on make-up and get on their dresses (like U2's "Get on your boots"). Apparently, they think if you wear more make-up you're more attractive. They're wrong. Bus Michaels calls Mindy up. He sends her packing. Taya wins and says "I wasn't the safe choice, but I was the right choice." That was an awful thing to say.

Next week: Reunion 2 weeks: Daisy of Love


Thom said...

Oh, Bus Michaels, you horn dog you! Seriously, though, that picture is creepy. Mr. Michaels always seems to say things in absolutes, like when the girls were having the "time of their lives" because he'd gotten them Mardi Gras outfits. Same thing with him being the "most romantic person ever." Kind of glad he chose Taya, though. They deserve each other. Mindy is way better looking.

Marissa said...

I was hoping you'd comment on his "air-quotes". I don't even know if that's what they were. After a couple, he started using all of his fingers, and it was more of a bear claw.