Kool Thingzzz: Awful

Showing posts with label Awful. Show all posts

Friday, January 8, 2010

NBC is awful at this whole scheduling thing.

Yesterday TMZ (which stands for "Thirty Mile Zone." You're welcome.) reported Jay Leno was moving back to the Tonight Show and Conan would probably go back to Late Night. Obviously I was upset. Ever since the new line up (Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon) I've been an avid watcher of NBC's late night. I've always really liked late night talk shows for some reason and I've really been liking the new line-up. But NBC is the worst and gave Jay Leno his own show at ten because How could that fail? oops. It did. Now NBC wants higher ratings so there's been talk that Jay Leno is moving to 11:30 and Conan has been yet again screwed. (It sounds like Jimmy Fallon is staying no matter what! yeah!) Supposedly, If Conan stays on NBC Leno will have 11:30 - 12:00, Conan will have 12:00 - 1:00 and Fallon will have 1:00 - 2:00. But if Conan decides to leave NBC (which would require NBC to pay him $40 million) then Jay Leno will take over the tonight show, again. If Conan does leave he may move to a new network, probably FOX, according to multiple blogs. There are so many situations that would be better than the stupid pushing The Tonight Show back a half-an-hour.

1. Jay Leno takes back The Tonight Show and Conan goes to FOX or ABC (or TBS, very funny)

2. Jay Leno's show is completely cancelled, NBC gets 5 new shows and The Tonight Show gets higher ratings. (best option!!)

3. Jay Leno's show is moved to 7:00, NBC gets 5 new shows and The Tonight Show gets higher ratings. (good compromise!)

4. Jay Leno's show is moved to 2 or 3 and he becomes a day time talk show host and the Tonight Show gets higher ratings (fairly humiliating!)

5. Carson Daly leaves Last Call and Jay Leno takes over. Can you imagine that? "So have guys heard about this band Phoenix? There name's a city in Arizona! hehe!" I would watch that.

I don't think Conan O'Brien will stay with NBC if this is all true. I'd really like to see him move networks. That would be a great "fuck you" to NBC. They've treated him and David Letterman like shit and I'd love to see NBC fail. (Although I'd much rather see them succeed and fire Jay Leno.)

Friday, December 18, 2009

Quite possibly the worst thing ever

As you know, we here at KoolThingzzz (or at least I), hate Jay Leno and his incredibly originally named show "The Jay Leno Show." We hate his show, but not nearly as much as Glenn Beck. Well guess what?! Glenn Beck is going to be on the Jay Leno show tonight! As if I didn't want to punch the tv already enough when either of them were on the tv.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The reason things are awful

After last night's premiere of "For the Love of Ray J" and now this song, I have decided. Everything is awful. This is T-Pains new song. It's called "Take Your Shirt Off" I choose to believe it was inspired by that Joe's Crab Shack commercial.

Take Your Shirt Off - T-Pain

Monday, November 2, 2009

VH1 update!

So guess what, For the Love of Ray J 2 exists! What?! Surprise! That brings the count to 17! 17 awful shows! But I'm watching it. I kind of hope this trend never ends. Unfortunately, no one seems to have a tiger tattooed on their face. Also, someone just said "Tasty Wasty." This show is awful.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Plan 9 remake?

I heard about a Plan 9 remake a few months ago. I was somewhat excited, until I was told it's probably a joke. But, now there's a trailer and it looks (too) legit. (to quit (smoking))

Plan 9 Teaser Trailer from Darkstone Entertainment on Vimeo.

I like that the radio broadcast is the same dialogue as Criswall's introduction to the movie.

Also, GUNS AND ZOMBIES!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

This is the internet explained in four and a half minutes.

This video is the strangest video I've probably ever seen on the internet. It's a bit odd in the beginning, then it gets really strange and it gets worse and worse as the video goes on. This is basically the SFW equivalent of "2 Girls 1 Cup." And by SFW I mean, you should probably be alone when you watch this, for embarrassment reasons.

As Thomas says, lolwut?

Friday, August 7, 2009

Oops! Looks like Zooey Deschanel made another terrible movie.

Zooey Deschanel starred in a movie called Gigantic recently. It was on Netflix and I could stream it for free. The biggest mistake I've ever made when it comes to watching movies. At least most movies a laughably bad. Not this one. This is my live blog from facebook:

You should probably start from the bottom and work your way up, because of, ya know, spoilers and such.

Remove

Jake Scheidel It's finally over! Sorry I clogged all y'alls news feeds. Apparently you care so much.

Jake Scheidel WAIT! What the hell?!?! Zach Galifinakis just attacked Paul Dano who killed Zach Galifinakis who was never actually there! Paul Dano said "This has been going on for a while." WHAAA??!?!?!

Jake Scheidel I've gone completely numb, emotion-wise, during this movie.

Jake Scheidel Zooey Deschanel: Can we go have sex over there? Paul Dano: Do you want me to ask the security gaurd? That counts as clever in this movie!

Jake Scheidel You know this movie is bad when the stereo-typical cooky best friend is the best part.

Jake Scheidel John Goodman is a Goodsport.

Jake Scheidel OH Subplot (because the original plot is so coherent and interesting): Zach Galifinakis is trying to kill Paul Dano!

Jake Scheidel I'm pretty sure it's impossible for old people not to be great. Exhibit A: Ed Asner

Jake Scheidel Oh my god. The only redeeming quality of this movie (other than Zooey Deschanel's legs) is stuck behind a tree.

Jake Scheidel I think i'm going to quit within the next 5 - 10 minutes.

Jake Scheidel Zooey Deschanel: Do you have any interest in having sex with me? Paul Dano and every guy ever: yeah.

Jake Scheidel Also, the guy playing the doctor is a terrible actor.

Jake Scheidel "Bullshit. all that shit is fucking... fucking bullshit. OK?" UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUggghhhh! This script curses so superfluously! That's an actual quote from the movie!

Jake Scheidel FACT: Zooey Deschanel changes very quickly. It's a fact!

Jake Scheidel This movie gets points for the scene in which Zoeoey Deschanel is basically pants-less... Because she has nice legs... not because her vag is being flaunted... because it's not.

Jake Scheidel OK, I just laughed for real. at 21 minutes, if you ever subject yourself to watching this.

Jake Scheidel Aw.. cute piano music. That makes this sooo much better!

Jake Scheidel The sexual tension between Paul Dano and Zooey Deschanel is unbearably non-existent!

Jake Scheidel I admit, I laughed. But only out of pity. The joke was so obvious.

Jake Scheidel I'd never thought I'd yell at Zooey Deschanel to "SHUT UP!"

Jake Scheidel Zooey Deschanel's character is annoying. Paul Dano better not fall in love with her! oh wait.

Jake Scheidel I jumped the gun, I'm now 11 minutes in. Zooey Deschanel has appeared. Still no laughs. This comedy isn't very funny.

Jake Scheidel is ten minutes into Gigantic, still no laughs, still no Zooey Deschanel. The movie is a one and a half hour romantic comedy. They'd better hurry this plot up!

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No longer live, now taped blog.

So, the plot is this: Paul Dano works in a mattress store. John Goodman comes in looking for a mattress. Paul Dano sells him one. Zooey Deschanel is John Goodman's daughter, who falls for Paul Dano. But also Paul Dano is adopting a kid from China. Oh, and also Zach Galifinakis is trying to kill Paul Dano.

My last post before the final apology post was during a scene in which Zach Galifinakis attacks Paul Dano for the last time. The fight in an alley and Paul Dano eventually pulls a knife on Zach Galifinakis and stabs him to death. Then, two guys walk past and Paul Dano gets up, dripping blood and says, "You don't understand. This has been happening for a while!" The camera cuts from the two guys looking at Paul Dano to Paul Dano standing over a, presumably, dead Zach Galifinakis. But Zach Galifinakis isn't there. I thought that meant Paul Dano was imagining things and it would be revealed this was actually some crazy "Eternal Sunshine" type movie. nope. That was never explained. After the movie finished I watched the fight scene between Paul Dano and Zach Galifinakis again, to see if I just missed him running away after being stabbed to death, nope. Either I, and everyone else who saw that movie, missed some crucial plot point that wasn't introduced until the next to last scene of the movie, or the directing was terrible. or both. probably both.

Another problem I had with the movie was the title. I have no idea why it was called "Gigantic." It makes no sense. Is it because the baby was tiny and the writer thought that would be clever? Is it named after John Goodman's girth? maybe. Is it called Gigantic because Zooey Deschanel is ridiculously pretty? I don't think "giant" is a term of measurement when it comes to beauty. "Was she attractive?" "Yeah, she was gigantic!" In fact that sounds like an insult. What up with the title?

On a scale of 1 - 10, I'd rate this movie: BAD!

Alternate ending to this blog post:

On a scale of 1 - 10, I'd rate this movie: NOT FUN!

Friday, January 8, 2010

NBC is awful at this whole scheduling thing.