Monday, December 29, 2008

Kool Thingzzz's "Thingzzz of the Year Extra Vag Anza!" part 1: Top 20 Albums and Songs

Alright, I'm the decider and I make the decisions. Jake's list isn't too far behind, but we'll kick things off with mine:


1. Dear Science - TV on the Radio

Favorite Tracks: DLZ, Red Dress

2. Feed the Animals - Girl Talk

Favorite Tracks: Don't Stop, Give Me a Beat

3. Self Titled - Fleet Foxes

Favorite Tracks: He Doesn't Know Why, White Winter Hymnal

4. Nouns - No Age

Favorite Tracks: Eraser, Teen Creeps

5. Microcastle - Deerhunter

Favorite Tracks: Agoraphobia, Nothing Ever Happened

6. Hold on Now, Youngster - Los Campesinos!

Favorite Tracks: You! Me! Dancing!, Death to Los Campesinos!

7. The Chemistry of Common Life - Fucked Up

Favorite Tracks: Son the Father, The Chemistry of Common Life

8. Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!! - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Favorite Tracks: Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!, Jesus of the Moon

9. In Ghost Colours - Cut Copy

Favorite Tracks: Hearts on Fire, Unforgettable Season

10. Real Emotional Trash - Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks

Favorite Tracks: Real Emotional Trash, Baltimore

11. For Emma, Forever Ago - Bon Iver

Favorite Tracks: Skinny Love, Flume

12. Self-Titled - Vampire Weekend

Favorite Tracks: Walcott, Oxford Comma

13. Oracular Spectacular - MGMT

Favorite Tracks: Electric Feel, Kids

14. The Midnight Organ Fight - Frightened Rabbit

Favorite Tracks: Head Rolls Off, The Modern Leper

15. Skeletal Lamping - Of Montreal

Favorite Tracks: Wicked Wisdom, Id Engager

16. Self-Titled - Santogold

Favorite Tracks: L.E.S. Artistes, Creator

17. You & Me - The Walkmen

Favorite Tracks: In the New Year, The Blue Route

18. Volume One - She and Him

Favorite Tracks: Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?, I Was Made for You

19. Offend Maggie - Deerhoof

Favorite Tracks: The Tears and Music of Love, Basketball Get Your Groove Back

20. Made in the Dark - Hot Chip

Favorite Tracks: Ready For the Floor, Bendable Poseable

Hon. Mention:

.Third - Portishead

.The Stand-Ins - Okkervil River

.Evil Urges - My Morning Jacket


1. Eraser - No Age

2. DLZ - TV on the Radio

3. Electric Feel - MGMT

4. Hearts on Fire - Cut Copy

5. Skinny Love - Bon Iver

6. Id Engager - Of Montreal

7. L.E.S Artistes - Santogold

8. Walcott - Vampire Weekend

9. Machine Gun - Portishead

10. Agoraphobia - Deerhunter

11. Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!! - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

12. He Doesn't Know Why - Fleet Foxes

13. Ready For the Floor - Hot Chip

14. Frontwards (Pavement Cover) - Los Campesinos!

15. Baltimore - Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks

16. Son the Father - Fucked Up

17. Nothing Ever Happened - Deerhunter

18. In the New Year - The Walkmen

19. Discipline - Nine Inch Nails

20. Head Rolls Off - Frightened Rabbit

Hon. Mention:

.Touch ME I'm Going to Scream (Pt. 2) - My Morning Jacket

.Red Dress - TV on the Radio

.You! Me! Dancing! - Los Campesinos!

Alright, that's it. Feel free to tell me how wrong you think I am.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry X-mas to all, and to all a Doubt Review

...tomorrow. I'm working hard enough on Christmas as it is. A whole slew of good performances, but I'll elaborate on that later...


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A 3D My Bloody Valentine concert?!

I was so excited when I heard about My Bloody Valentine 3D. I didn't think My Bloody Valentine was big enough for a 3D movie people would actually be excited about. So, when I went on youtube the other day and say an ad for it with a girl screaming I got really confused. Maybe it's part story, part concert. That'd be cool. I was wrong. So I say to you, loyal blog followers (all 5 of you), don't be fooled by the name. The band has nothing to do with the movie.

I've always thought 3D was reserved for the muppets and U2, I don't know how they'll incorporate this into an actual movie. Unless, it's a choose your own adventure story.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Channeling Die Hard 4

I just saw the trailer for X-Men Origins: Wolverine and I have to say, "Is this what I liked eight years ago?" I've determined I've grown as a movie-going person. The original X-men was pretty good, the second one was better than the first, and the third one was, at best, laughable. Now we have the origin of Wolverine.

I didn't grow up reading comic books, I wasn't that generation. My dad, however was, and he often tells me Wolverine wasn't the main character. If you haven't noticed, Wolverine is the main character in the movies. So here is his origin: He was in the civil war, and also WWII (because he can regenerate?) , then he went into a dunk tank in a time where everyone was younger except him, and said "I want to be called Wolverine" Then he meets Über-gay Gambit. Then Wolverine jumps from a tank to helicopter! (WHAT?!?!) Yes, Wolverine jumps from a TANK to a HELICOPTER!

Don't believe me? See for yourself:

SEE?!?! I told you!!! Also, doesn't Gambit look awesome (and gay) I think Gambit was on Pimp my mutant.
EDIT: What is Rahm Emanuel doing talking to WOLVERINE!?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

What's the biggest problem with blankets? They slip AND slide!

I've seen this commercial a lot. And I can't stand it. But, it does bring up a good point... What if you need to answer your phone, or pick up your dog, or roast a marshmallow by the fire (because, even though your sitting next to a fire, you're still a little chilled.)? You can't just MOVE the blanket like a rational person. You need sleeves! And the snuggie solves that problem. Now you can do anything you want with your hands! ANYTHING! EVEN HIGH FIVE! I really like the fact that, when the voice over says "Your hands are trapped!" The woman easily takes the blanket off and picks up the phone.

The best part about the snuggie is you look just like a KKK member, but colored! (get it?)

Friday, December 19, 2008


So, I stayed clear (pretty much) of I Love New York when it aired. Anything involving New York is bound to be terrible, I thought. I was only 99% right. I did miss out on Mr. Boston and the "Boston Charm," and this little outburst from the very New York-esque contestant Chance (now of "Real Chance of Love"):


Why does he take his anger out on the banana trees? What did they ever do to him? And to Chance's claim that: "[he] ain't not no punk," I say: methinks you dost protest too much, sir. Also, if he's strong enough to tear down those trees, he's definitely strong enough to pick the guy up that was restraining him and throw him at Tango. Just saying...

Jim James concurs, Chance.

Yes, You Are Reading The Same Blog...

Jake and I decided that it was incredibly important to change our previously lame layout for make benefit of our glorious readers (all 5 of them). So out with the "old Grandma's wallpaper" look and in with the sleek, sexy, and thumbs-uppy (it's a word) new deal. Tell us what you think about it (you could rate it on our patented "kool scale" if you'd like).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I think the people who work for VH1 hate themselves and have had enough.

Last night there was a new episode of Real Chance of Love! It was quite possibly the best episode of any VH1 show EVER. (note: "ALL VH1 shows" excludes Best Week Ever and I Love the 70s, 80s, 90s) The ladies met Real and Chance's parents!! Their dad is really cool, and their mom is nice. BUT THEY AREN'T IMPORTANT! They all got ready to go to Palm Springs (maybe, not sure where they went... don't really care.) As they walked into the hotel the parents were already there! (OH NO!) Everyone was so embarrassed they didn't look nicer, especially Rabbit, who really shouldn't worry about looking ugly. (Corn Fed was chill.) Real introduced his ladies as Corn Fed, Bay Bay Bay and Milfy. Then Mrs. Real's mom said "Hi Milfy" and Real was all "Oh, no, here name is actually Milf. I just called her Milfy" and his mom just said "Oh, okay." Real takes his ladies and parents to this cowboy, ranch, place. First he takes Milf and his parents to look for gold. Milf talked about herself and may have flirted with Real's mom. Then she was asked "How would your son feel about having a black step father?" (By the way, Milf has a son.) What was probably 1 - 2 seconds was made, with editing into an excruciating 10 seconds, I was just waiting for the commercial. It didn't come Milf just said "He has a black father." and everyone was all "Oh, that's good." and there was smiling and laughing. Real found gold. Not in Milf, he sifted through some dirt and found gold. Milf sucks. They all came back into the covered area of said ranch and Real says "What are you sneaky ladies doing here?" or something, he called them sneaky for being there, even though they were left there. Oh, also Bay Bay Bay and Corn Fed were talking about banding together to take down Milf. Real takes Corn Fed and his parents to learn how to lasso a bull and Corn Fed says "Maybe you could teach me how to ride one!" Did she mean penis? I hope not, penises are gross. But Corn Fed is the sweetest girl in the world. Corn Fed tries to lasso, but fails, Real tries and Corn Fed talks to his parents. She was supposed to talk bad about Milf, but she reveals in a talking head she can't do that, she isn't like that. She just says both girls are really nice and that she loves real a lot. Real then takes Bay Bay Bay shooting, also his parents. While Real is shooting, Bay Bay Bay talks to his parents about Milf, saying she's a liar and did Playboy. (ew, have you seen Milf, and Milf's arms?) They then go have a nice peaceful dinner, except NOT! Bay Bay Bay talks about Milf the whole time and they yell a lot. Corn Fed doesn't get involved. After the dinner the ladies go back to the room and Real talks to his parents. Corn Fed = quiet, but really sweet. Milf = unsure. Bay x3 = REALLY strong. they put the emphasis on really as if she's insane. (Also, Bay x3 is insane.) BaAaAaAAck at the room Bay tré is still ranting about Milf and Milf goes outside and smokes. Then the other ladies go outside and Bay tré is STILL ranting about Milf. Milf has had it! HAD IT! She stampedes outside and says "I know you've ****ed Chance's ****." Does she mean penis? She knows you've penised chance's penis? gross. She knows you've kicked Chance's Dog? Cleaned Chance's Glasses? There is NO way of knowing! The bleeps make me so confused! While she's yelling this everyone is really confused because she isn't really looking at anyone. Finally she says "YOU!" and points at risky. "Me?" says risky? "I've never cleaned anyone's glasses in my life." Milf says it came "straight from the horses mouth." Real is the horse, apparently, Does she referencing penis? I hope not, that wouldn't really make sense. Milf realizes her mistake, Real told her about the glasses cleaning in secrecy. Risky is PIIIISSSSED AAWFFF. Oh, by the way, during Real's time at the Ranch, Chance took his ladies to a tattoo parlor. classy. Risky got one on her shoulder that said "Stallionette." Cali got the same K that's on Chance's neck on hers (Chance's name starts with a K). Rabbit, being the rational girl she is, decided not to get a specific tattoo. She decided to get an Asian symbol that means love, but she told Chance it means Chance. How lovely. We're back to the fight. Risky is PIIIISSSSED AAWFFF. She storms off the balcony, out of the room and towards Real's room. Risky rings the doorbell to Real's apparent building. Milf, in a talking head, says "I have to stop
Risky any way I can." The screen goes black and we hear what sounds like someone being bludgeoned and dragged. I think the VH1 workers did this because they hate themselves and need a little humor. Then, "To be continued..." The preview for next week shows an alive, unbruised, risky, so I'm not worried.

Corn Fed will win.
Risky will probably win.

If I had to choose between the six of them I would eliminate Cali next, then Milf, then Bay tré, then Risky, then Rabbit, and Corn Fed would win!

Corn Fed and Mr. Boston should get there own show if Corn Fed loses. It could be called, "Accent of Love" I would watch it.

UPDATE: I just remembered, in the preview for next week, Milf says she's leaving. WHY?! Please do.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Nominees for KoolThingzz Extra Vag Anza

There are # days left in the year of the frog, earth, and language. (Wiki it, all are accurate, weird.) The mace and I have expanded the "Top 20 albums" to [not] a full blown awards show!!! some arbitrary awards no one will probably read.

Best movie:

The Dark Knight
Wall E
Hell Boy II: The Golden Army
Iron Man
Righteous Kill (just kidding! hahaha!)
Burn After Reading
Pineapple Express
Rachel Getting Married
Tropic Thunder
Slumdog Millionare
Man on Wire
Gran Torino

Top 20/best album(s):
Girl Talk - Feed the Animals
Vampire Weekend - Self-Titled
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!
Portishead - Third
My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
TV on the Radio - Dear Science
Deerhunter - Microcastle
Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
Nine Inch Nails - The Slip
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
Deerhoof - Offend Maggie
Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks - Real Emotional Trash
No Age - Nouns
Hercules and Love Affair - Self-Titled
Fleet Foxes - Self-Titled
Of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping
Beck - Modern Guilt
Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple
Fuck Buttons - Street Horrrsing
Fucked Up - The Chemistry of Common Life
Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III
Cut Copy - In Ghost Colours
The Raconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely
Wolf Parade - At Mount Zoomer
Santogold - Self-Titled
Frightened Rabbit - Midnight Organ Fight
Sigur Ros - I'm not going to write it out
Crystal Castles - Self-Titled
Hot Chip - Made in the Dark
She & Him - Volume 1
Okkervil River - The Stand-ins
The Walkmen - You and Me
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
Black Keys - Attack and Release
Metallica - Death Magnetic
Los Campesinos - Hold On Now, Youngster
Mount Eerie - Lost Wisdom
Horse Feathers - House With no Home
Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line
Magnetic Fields - Distortion
...and more??

Best song:

Best TV Show:
Daily Show/Colbert Report
Pushing Daisies
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mad Men
The Wire
30 Rock
The Office
How I Met Your Mother
Flight of the Conchords

Guiltiest Pleasure:
Jon and Kate Plus 8
Real Chance of Love
I Love Money
Rock of Love 2

Koolest Girl:
Zooey Deschanel
Abbi La Nay Noah (Corn Fed)
Cat Power
Regina Spektor

Koolest Guy:
Priest in Katy Perry Video
Jim James
Ahmad Givens (Real)
Thom Yorke
Lee Marks (Mr. Boston)
Greg Gillis (Girl Talk)
Ezra Koenig
Stephen Malkmus
Graham Wright (of Tokyo Police Club)
Tunde Adebimpe

Nick Cave
Andrew VanWyngarden

Koolest Music Video:
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
Run - Gnarls Barkley
Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend
Tessellate - Tokyo Police Club
Who's gonna save my soul? - Gnarls Barkley
I feel it all - Feist
House of Cards - Radiohead
Electric Feel - MGMT
Time To Pretend - MGMT
Id Engagar - Of Montreal
The Age of the Understatment - The Last Shadow Puppets
Stress - Justice
Shut Up and Let Me Go - The Ting Tings

Koolest questionable song:
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
That's not my name - The Ting Tings
Put a ring on it - Beyoncé
American Boy - Estelle ft. Kanye West
Disturbia - Rihanna

Koolest Viral Video:
Technically this video came out in 2007, but c'mon, it's greatness withstands the tests of time:

Jonas Brothers
Uwe Boll
Miley Cyrus
Glenn Beck
Bill O'Reily
[genre] Movie
The Economy
The Hills
McCain rally lady
Detroit Lions

Radiohead releasing "In Rainbows" online and the many other artists to follow.
Barack Obama being Elected
Corey "I'm not taking my glasses off" Worthington
Tina Fey
Bruce Campbell
Sam Jackson
Stephen Colbert
The guy who threw his shoes at Bush
Damon Weaver
Detroit Lions

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Beautiful, Beautiful Man Hair.

Someone once said to me "There can't be a spin-off of a Spin-off" And I responded with an exuberant, "Yes, there can be, and there is, and it is called real chance of love, and it is amazing!" If you haven't heard, Real Chance of Love is on VH1 (Video Hits at 1 AM.) and it is amazing. History Lesson: The Surreal Life starred Flava Flav and Briggette Nielson. They fell in love (?) and starred in Strange Love. Briggette left Flav for someone/thing else. Flav poured champagne on the ground. Flav got his own show called Flavor of Love. A girl pooped on the stairs. New York falls for Flav and comes back for the second season and comes in second! Again! New York gets her own show, I Love New York. Real ad Chance (brothers) are contestants on that, coming in third and second, respectively. Real and Chance get their own show called Real Chance of Love. So, really, RCoL is a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off. That's 5 shows, you can count them. Real is the "sensitive" one, he has beautiful man hair. Chance is the really annoying one. Also, they're in a band called the stallionaires with there other brother Micah. (check them out, their music is terribly great.)

This show has been on for a couple of months, but I'm only just now getting to post about it, because this latest episode was the greatest thing on VH1. ever. (Real hits someone in the head with a bottle!)

The show takes a number (not sure which) of "beautiful" ladies and pits them against each other for the heart/s of Real and Chance. They eventually dwindle down to 3 (now.) The ladies that are left for Real are:
Corn Fed: she's from Fargo and has the greatest accent ever, its very cute. She's also attractive, and not skanky at all.
Bay Bay Bay: She totally sucks and should leave. She kind of looks like Halle Berry.
Milf: She's old and hot(?) But really, she's gross.
For Chance:
Cali: She's from California, get it?
Risky: She's got hair and wears green a lot, maybe.
Rabbit: Actually good looking, kind of annoying though.

Corn Fed is my favorite. If she gets her own show, I'm auditioning.

So, in the last episode, Real and Chance take the ladies to this club for a good time, ya know, just to hang out, but then (!) this guy keeps hitting on Cali! What up, man, what up?! Man, that ain't cool, man. So the guys like "OK, whatevs." So then later Real and Chance go up to the bar to get some drinx or something. And this same dude comes up all hostile and what not. Like, dude, What up, man?! The (!) guy (!) pushes (!) Chance (!) and (!) Chance (!) pushes (!) back! (!) THEN (!) Real (!) grabs (!) a (!) bottle (!) and (!) smashes (!) it (!) over (!) the (!) guyz (!) head! (!) So, the ladies pile back into the Hummer Limo (Why? Beacause, FU, environment!) and (!) when (!) they
(!) get (!) back (!) ther are police cars at the house that's been seen a million times on VH1! (!) (If you watch any show on VH1 where they assemble a lot of people in one house, you'll notice, it's always the same house. They just paint the walls accordingly.) There are two cops waiting for the ladies. They call in Corn Fed for interrogation. She "balls her face out" but doesn't tell the cops anything. Then (!) commercial break (!). The show comes back and we find out (!) It (!) was (!) a (!) set (!) up! (!) Real and Chance are watching the whole thing! So then the rest of the ladies are interrogated and Milf's drunk so they make here do the drunk test. She puts out her arms and they're gross. Then (!) the (!) officers (!) arrest (!) Real! (!) Chance then tells them it was "their challenge" and Risky wins on Chance's side and Bay Bay Bay wins for Real's. BUT THEN (!) KO gets really upset because she thinks she's not strong enough to deal with Real. KO is a boxer by the way. Real convinces her to stay, so she stays. The next night, it was time for elimination. Chance didn't give out any chains, because all of his ladies were staying (...YEAH!!!...) Corn Fed gets Real's first chain. (YEAH!!! for real! (ooh! ambiguous!)) Milf gets the next chain (meh...). So it's between KO and Bay Bay Bay. "Who do I hate more?" I ask myself, luckily there was a commercial break so I could think about it. Once the break was up I still hadn't decided. As soon as the show came back, KO spoke, and I knew my answer. (It was KO. I hated KO more.) Real tells each girl what he likes and dislikes about each. And (!) he (!) gives (!) the (!) chain (!) to (!) Bay Bay Bay. (!)
Overall, I'm going to rate this episode a "still in love with Corn Fed." and the whole show a "Do Mark Cronin and that other guy produce anything other than produce shows for VH1?"

Monday, December 8, 2008

Cyclops is a liar and not legally blind!

OK, I looked up Cyclops/Scott Summers, and apparently I made up the plot point that he's blind. I thought that's how superheroes worked. They have some ailment so their body overcompensates and creates this superpower. I was quite wrong. The only superhero I can think of with any ailment is Daredevil, and he sucks. And Spider man, if being awkward is really an ailment. It's not.

NO! I could have sworn there was a scene in the first X-men movie where Scott Summers has his eyes closed and Jean Grey touches them and they both cry because he can't see. Now that I think about it, he was probably closing his eyes because he has a constant lazer coming from his eyes. What a terrible X-man, he cant even control his power, isn't that what they teach at Prof. X's school for the gifted? Because of his lazer, Scott Summers must wear special glasses that ... somehow... doesn't... make... the... lazer... go... Ka-plow. Wouldn't all of his lazer just get stored up in his special glasses and char his face? (Also, did they rob a bank in the first one? I recall that, too.)

To my point! X4 really? No! But, X-men origins: Wolverine? yes! And, the best part... Gambit will be in it! I've never understood his power (He throws cards really fast and in a fairly gay fashion, according to the picture), I just look at him as a less douchey Cyclops. I hate Cyclops so much, he sucks a lot and is totally lame.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


Farting + Notable Figures + Internet = WIN!
The best part is the guy at the end.

Friday, December 5, 2008

I was wrong to call Glenn Beck a bigot.

Glenn Beck emailed me saying what I said about him was very rude. He continued with stating that he has a television show and I don't. Just kidding, that never happened. But... I did come across another terribly racist bigot! YEAH! His name is something, and he owns Casa D'Ice in Pennsylvania or maybe Hollywood. On the Casa D'Ice website we see this
"For 23 years, I was in the Ice Business and when I sold the business using my legal Italian Heritage, came the name “Casa D' Ice” for “House of Ice”. I can not help it that the Spanish use is the same name for house. So, for those who question my use of "Casa" when I am against illegal aliens, I hope this explains it. " DAMNILLEGALALIENSSPANIARDS STEALING ITALIAN TO MAKE UP THEIR OWN ANTI-AMERICAN LANGUAGE. Becausse, ya know, Italian and Spanish aren't both romance languages. Casa D'Ice is famous for their ballsy, sometimes amusing, political signs. Here's an example:

Get it? Because all mexicans are drunks! Oh, guy who owns Casa D'Ice, when will you stop?! hahaha! Seriously. When will you stop?

Here's Dennis Kucinich being Dennis Kucinich:

Thursday, December 4, 2008

We're back, after a long holiday break! Guess what? THE GRAMMYS DON'T SUCK SO MUCH THIS YEAR!

I am so surprised at the album of the year nominations that I can barely think right now. Whoa. In case you haven't seen them, here they are:

Radiohead - In Rainbows (Metacritic Score: 88/100)
Coldplay - Viva La Vida (72)
L'il Wayne - Tha Carter III (82)
Ne-Yo - Year of the Gentleman (79)
Allison Krauss and Robert Plant - Raising Sand (87)

What? These actually make sense! Radiohead and the Krauss/Plant collab. unequivocally deserve to be on there. The others, while debateable, still have the right to stake some kind of claim! Tha Carter is a solid record, Viva La Vida saw Coldplay try to be interesting (and I'll admit, I like it. Violet Hill is great) and Ne-Yo is good at what he does. But seriously? They ACTUALLY nominated Radiohead? I never DREAMED that would happen. Wow. I'm blown away.

Song of the Year

Adele - "Chasing Pavements"
Coldplay - "Viva La Vida"
Leona Lewis - "Bleeding Love"
M.I.A. - "Paper Planes"
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - "Please Read The Letter"

PAPER PLANES! It had better win. Seriously, it had better win.

I'm sure my hopes will be destroyed when Coldplay wins best album and Adele somehow wins best song. Or, come to think of it, Coldplay. Viva La Vida was one of the worst songs on that album. It's no Violet Hill (which is nominated for best rock single).