Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Beautiful, Beautiful Man Hair.

Someone once said to me "There can't be a spin-off of a Spin-off" And I responded with an exuberant, "Yes, there can be, and there is, and it is called real chance of love, and it is amazing!" If you haven't heard, Real Chance of Love is on VH1 (Video Hits at 1 AM.) and it is amazing. History Lesson: The Surreal Life starred Flava Flav and Briggette Nielson. They fell in love (?) and starred in Strange Love. Briggette left Flav for someone/thing else. Flav poured champagne on the ground. Flav got his own show called Flavor of Love. A girl pooped on the stairs. New York falls for Flav and comes back for the second season and comes in second! Again! New York gets her own show, I Love New York. Real ad Chance (brothers) are contestants on that, coming in third and second, respectively. Real and Chance get their own show called Real Chance of Love. So, really, RCoL is a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off. That's 5 shows, you can count them. Real is the "sensitive" one, he has beautiful man hair. Chance is the really annoying one. Also, they're in a band called the stallionaires with there other brother Micah. (check them out, their music is terribly great.)

This show has been on for a couple of months, but I'm only just now getting to post about it, because this latest episode was the greatest thing on VH1. ever. (Real hits someone in the head with a bottle!)

The show takes a number (not sure which) of "beautiful" ladies and pits them against each other for the heart/s of Real and Chance. They eventually dwindle down to 3 (now.) The ladies that are left for Real are:
Corn Fed: she's from Fargo and has the greatest accent ever, its very cute. She's also attractive, and not skanky at all.
Bay Bay Bay: She totally sucks and should leave. She kind of looks like Halle Berry.
Milf: She's old and hot(?) But really, she's gross.
For Chance:
Cali: She's from California, get it?
Risky: She's got hair and wears green a lot, maybe.
Rabbit: Actually good looking, kind of annoying though.

Corn Fed is my favorite. If she gets her own show, I'm auditioning.

So, in the last episode, Real and Chance take the ladies to this club for a good time, ya know, just to hang out, but then (!) this guy keeps hitting on Cali! What up, man, what up?! Man, that ain't cool, man. So the guys like "OK, whatevs." So then later Real and Chance go up to the bar to get some drinx or something. And this same dude comes up all hostile and what not. Like, dude, What up, man?! The (!) guy (!) pushes (!) Chance (!) and (!) Chance (!) pushes (!) back! (!) THEN (!) Real (!) grabs (!) a (!) bottle (!) and (!) smashes (!) it (!) over (!) the (!) guyz (!) head! (!) So, the ladies pile back into the Hummer Limo (Why? Beacause, FU, environment!) and (!) when (!) they
(!) get (!) back (!) ther are police cars at the house that's been seen a million times on VH1! (!) (If you watch any show on VH1 where they assemble a lot of people in one house, you'll notice, it's always the same house. They just paint the walls accordingly.) There are two cops waiting for the ladies. They call in Corn Fed for interrogation. She "balls her face out" but doesn't tell the cops anything. Then (!) commercial break (!). The show comes back and we find out (!) It (!) was (!) a (!) set (!) up! (!) Real and Chance are watching the whole thing! So then the rest of the ladies are interrogated and Milf's drunk so they make here do the drunk test. She puts out her arms and they're gross. Then (!) the (!) officers (!) arrest (!) Real! (!) Chance then tells them it was "their challenge" and Risky wins on Chance's side and Bay Bay Bay wins for Real's. BUT THEN (!) KO gets really upset because she thinks she's not strong enough to deal with Real. KO is a boxer by the way. Real convinces her to stay, so she stays. The next night, it was time for elimination. Chance didn't give out any chains, because all of his ladies were staying (...YEAH!!!...) Corn Fed gets Real's first chain. (YEAH!!! for real! (ooh! ambiguous!)) Milf gets the next chain (meh...). So it's between KO and Bay Bay Bay. "Who do I hate more?" I ask myself, luckily there was a commercial break so I could think about it. Once the break was up I still hadn't decided. As soon as the show came back, KO spoke, and I knew my answer. (It was KO. I hated KO more.) Real tells each girl what he likes and dislikes about each. And (!) he (!) gives (!) the (!) chain (!) to (!) Bay Bay Bay. (!)
Overall, I'm going to rate this episode a "still in love with Corn Fed." and the whole show a "Do Mark Cronin and that other guy produce anything other than produce shows for VH1?"


Anonymous said...

That was a good sum up. You pretty much covered everything. I love how every time Real and Chance say Stallionaires they do it in that voice. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about.

As for who I'm rooting for, I agree Cornfed should stay around. I think Risky should be Chance's choice. I use to like Rabbit, but I'm kind of tired of her constant complaining.

You should update about important reality shows more often.

Jake said...

Oh, I will.