Friday, July 2, 2010


Oh my god! So I finally watched the season premiere of The Real World: New Orleans. Which is the second incarnation of the real world to take place in New Orleans. Apparently MTV had run out of cities so they just decided to go back to New Orleans. As you know, The Real World is the story of eight strangers picked to live together. A somehow always interesting plot. This season has the potential to be the worst season yet. The first roommate we meet is Jemmye (pronounced like Jamie). She is from the south. She says "When people first meet me they think 'from the south... probably a christian, conservative good girl.' nope. not me." Yeah, I figured. She loves tattoos She has five of them. She proceeds to show off her tattoos. Two of them are on her lower stomach area. Okay, that's fine. She has one down her side. Still okay. She has one on her lower back. Oh, of course you do. That doesn't surprise me at all (and the best kind of prize is a surprise). Then she turns around and says "And my favorite tattoo" as she starts moving her hands toward her pants' zipper. "No, it better not be on her vagina. No, please, no!" I said. "My Vajayjay tattoo." she said as if she had heard my plea against it. I wasn't surprised though. We then met Knight. Who is such a chill bro. Seriously, he's like, the chillest of bros. He just likes playin' hockey and chillaxin'. (He never actually said he enjoyed chillaxin', but you could tell.) We also meet Ashlee, who has "Angelina Jolie lips" according to one of the other roommates. Other than her lips, she's pretty forgettable. Maybe not for the whole show, but she was barely in this episode. Sahar on the other hand is my favorite roommate. Why? Because she's from Michigan. woo! Have I mentioned Eric yet? I don't think I have. ("Jake, why don't you just read over what you've already written to see if you have or not?" Oh, I'm sorry. Are YOU a writer for this blog? "No." Yeah, that's what I thought. That's not how we do things around here!) So, Eric. Eric is either the whitest black guy ever (complexion wise, I mean.) or he just has really strange eyes. He seems like a pretty chill bro. One of my favorite non-Michigan roommates is Mckenzie. She's REAL CUTE and she wears a star fish in her hair, but it probably isn't real. You know how every season has the token black guy and the token gay person. Preston fills both! Preston seems pretty cool. And that brings us to THE BIGGEST CHARACTER on the show (see what I did there?) His name is Ryan. He has long blonde hair and a lip piercing, nose piercing and cheek piercing. Ryan first reorganizes all of the sleeping arrangements for all the roommates. It was very confusing and hectic because he was just running around the house pointing at beds and whispering to roommates between pants about what bed they want. It was all pretty ridiculous. So after they all meet they go to the club and club it up, or whatever the kids are saying nowadays. Ryan gets REAL MAD because he has a pretty majah crush on Mckenzie for obvious reasons, (she's cute) and these older guys were hitting on the girls in the house. So then he's like "I'm leaving! I'm a poo-poo head!" He actually says that! Everyone else is like "What?" So they all go back to the house and go to sleep. While Preston is laying in bed he's talking to his roommate about Ryan saying that he really is trying to like him, but finds him really obnoxious. He then says "I think the bleach got to his head." Unbeknownst to him, Ryan was right outside the door listening. So Ryan says, "Well, I think the GAY got to your head!" Really? That's your comeback. Apparently this is the Real World: Fourth Grade. Fourth Grade called, it wants it's elementary comebacks back. This isn't fourth grade any more, Ryan, you need to come up with something better than that. (I'm really proud of my "fourth grade" joke. I think it's really funny.) So Preston says to him "You're right, that's exactly what happened. I'm no expert, but I don't think that's how being gay works. So, Ryan gets more upset for whatever reason and calls Jemmye "trailer trash." She will be having none of that. She gets out of bed and starts screaming at him from an upright position. Eventually Ryan and Preston just go out to the porch and have a smoke and talk about themselves with each other and everything is all better. right? Maybe not. This is the Real World!

No comments: