Thursday, June 17, 2010

Persons Unknown is still mediocre!

I just watched the latest episode of Persons Unknown. It premiered on monday. I'm on top of things! Shut up, I've had stuff to do. If you recall, the last episode ended with the main main character getting a fortune cookie that said "Kill your neighbor and you'll go free." So this episode started with them taking the implants out of their legs. I may have forgotten to mention them last week. Everyone has these implants in their legs that release tranquilizers in them so they can't leave. So this week they rip them out. Good for them. Naturally, they try to leave the town again. Because why would the kidnappers think of TWO lines of defense? Oh, they did. oops. The second line of defense is a microwave wall, or something like that. As Moira explained it: "It's like when you microwave a burrito at 7/11, but you're the burrito." Thanks, that was really helpful. I didn't get it before when it was said that it was basically a microwave. I'm so glad you incorporated a 7/11 burrito. So now they're still stuck in this town. The group then decides to survey the town to find any sort of escape. Moira and the party girl inspect the clothing store and the party girl picks out a dress and strips down to her skivvies (I love calling underwear skivvies.) and stares into the camera and says something like "take a look at these you little pervs!" and the writers are like "Isn't she cute?!" and I'm like, "nah, she's kind of annoying. But, Moira's like "I'm a lesbian and I think she's cute, but I'm not going to say anything. I'm just gonna Michael Cera this." Unfortunately for the group, no one finds any kind of escape from the town. Alan Ruck and the used car salesman decide the only way to get answers is to torture the night manager of the hotel. The soldier is definitely against this plan. Isn't it great how he's playing against the stereotype of army men? Yeah, it's great and DEFINITELY doesn't seem forced. So they beat up the night manager and take him to the microwave wall. The other captives stop them before they shoot the manager. Then the manager runs away and doesn't get hit by the pain guns/microwave wall but the people chasing him do. He must be one of them! But also, he might not be because the people watching them didn't shoot him to confuse the other captives. It begins to rain while they are eating dinner at the chinese/only restaurant in town. I find that a bit unrealistic. I know it's a fake small town in the middle of nowhere, but don't most ake small towns in the middle of nowhere have at least a bakery? Lightning strikes the microwave wall and they're like LET'S GO! So they decide to steal the chinese restaurant's van. But they need a distraction because it takes a little while to hot wire a car. Moira runs into the kitchen in the back of the restaurant, where the employees hadn't even noticed they'd left. She begins screaming and throwing things all over the room. The party girl runs into the restaurant and gets Moira and they drive off. The soldier tells Joe his name is Graham.They continue driving and see a bright light. Janet, the main character, is like "don't stop driving! it might be a trap!" and everyone else is like "it might be help!" So she drives directly into the light. (?) The van ends up back in the town. Why didn't they just avoid the light? Wouldn't that have made sense? So they're still stuck in the town. aw, shucks. In Janet's room is a new fortune that says "Kill Joe and you'll go free." MORAL DILEMMA! So, she eventually decides to charge into Joe's room and point the gun in his face. Joe's like "chill, bro." and she's like "FORTUNE COOKIE!" and he's like "chill, bro." then six shots are heard by the other characters. OH NO! But instead of shooting Joe, she's shot the camera. YEAH! You showed them! Then she screams "We're human beings!" and I'm like, that seems a bit unnecessary. I think they got the point when you shot the camera that you're not going to murder someone for your own benefit, but it's ok. At least it isn't a super cheesy line. She continues to scream "We're not rats in a maze!" oh, well this wouldn't be Persons Unknown if you didn't take something kind of cool and make really quite lame. The camera in the ceiling that's been shot recedes into the hole in the ceiling and a new camera is put in it's place. END. After this episode I shrugged my shoulders and was like "eh."

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