Persons Unknown got weird while I took a vacation from Persons Unknown.

Oops, I totally forgot Persons Unknown existed for two weeks. But I've caught up! Yeah! Let me tell you, I missed two of the craziest episodes. The first of the two started with Joe strapped to a bed/operating table hybrid. He's hooked up to some IVs and other what-look-to be-sciencey things. He's got wires all taped on him. Also, his head is shaved. Necessary, so necessary. Someone is talking to him about keeping with "the program." Apparently you can never leave the program. A woman with a familiar voice starts talking to Joe about the program and Janet and how she's not worth giving up the program. (She's not.) Joe seems to think she is. He goes into this weird dream sequence where he sees Tom and all of his fellow abductees. But, they're all on stretchers! because... they're... dead... I guess. The first missed period means you're pregnant episode is a weird combination of really boring and really weird. It's pretty much all dream sequences of Joe's, the people in the town being boring and Renbe and Kat being slightly more interesting than the townies, but ultimately pretty boring. Oh, also, the woman who was talking to Joe was Tori. Yeah, Tori's back! The second missed episode was great! Or at least as great as this show can get. This episode started with some CGI leaves blowing around in the streets that looked reminiscent of Pushing Daisies, except it wasn't a stylistic choice. It was a low budget choice. Janet sees Joe and takes him inside. The "guests," as The Night Manager calls them, give him a blanket and ask him where he's been. "Outside," he tells them. Throughout the episode the debate whether or not he can be trusted. Outside the town Kat and Renbe are in Mexico. "I thought they were in Italy!" So did I. They hunt down a woman in an insane asylum who was a part of the program years ago. They have to bribe the doctor. Renbe is the worst at bribing people. He pulls out his wallet in plain view, opens it in plain view and pulls out some amount of money to give him and the doctor takes it in plain view. No secret handshake, or pat on the back or anything. Nah, just take it. This doesn't look suspicious AT ALL! The woman they went to see likes to throw feces at people. You see what the program does?! It turns people into chimps!! They ask her about the program and she says she wants a churro. So they decide to go get her a churro. When they find the churro place, they also find a church. On the gates to the church are pictures of all the past priests. One of the priests looks a lot like Joe in the photo Kat and Renbe have somehow acquired of Tori, Janet and Joe in the town. That's because the priest is in fact Joe. Joe used to be a priest. He also was previously in the town and "killed his neighbor." Remember when that almost happened with Janet? Back then he was still a priest. From then on he's been in the program. They meet the current priest and recruit him to the destroy-the-program-at-all-costs-for-no-particular-reason-other-than-it-makes-for-a-somewhat-interesting-story-line team. He puts them in a coupleacoffins and drive them over the mexico/south america border. Everything goes off without a hitch. Well, until the priest is shot in the head. He's probably really upset he joined the DTPAACFNPROTIMFASISL team now. Kat and Renbe see a jeep barreling down on them. with guns! Instead of jumping back into the truck that's right next to them, they run away on foot. Great choice! Somehow they get away. As they walk through the south american jungle, they profess their love for each other. AW! Back in town Joe's gone crazy. When Janet puts her hand on his shoulder, he attacks her. Luckily, everyone pushes him back and he runs off. He doesn't remember anyone or that he's even met them before, but the Night Manager tells him he has. Speaking of the night manager, he's found out that the "guests'' want to kill Joe. He gets a call from those behind the scenes, who ridicule the night manager. No! Not the Night manager! He's my favorite! They decide the night manager is doing the job as well as he should be. "The director" decides to send in her, presumably, second in command to take over the position of night manager. Eventually Janet finds Joe on the roof of one of the buildings and, once again, touches him and he, once again, attacks her. He tries to throw her over the roof, but she keeps saying "fight it!" and he does. Then he gets over it. Yeah! That was easy. They go back down stairs to all the townspeople with torches. Janet convinces them that Joe is fixed and not a threat. Back in the South American jungle, Kat and Renbe are still walking. They come across a town. Holy Shit! It's the town Janet and the rest are in! Right when I think this show is getting kind of lame, they bring something in that slightly peaks my interest.