Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I can't keep up with Persons Unknown

That's not to say it's a confusing a show. It's not. I just am really bad at watching it when it airs on the television. It was on mondays, but then it wasn't getting good monday night ratings. So, I thought they moved it to sundays. I thought I saw a commercial saying that. I was wrong. The show actually airs on saturday nights. You know what else airs new episodes on saturday nights? Saturday Night Live, that it! Anyway, as you may know I've been giving this show a consistent "eh" rating. I've said it has the potential to be great, or be an utter shit storm. Neither of those things have happened yet. But the show is definitely approaching utter shit storm level. Part of me hopes it does so I can call it the USS Persons Unknown. For now though, it's still only mediocre.

Sorry, this got kind of long. It is all necessary information!

I don't have to explain to you Joe's questionable behavior. I know it has you on the edge of your seat. Me too. That's why this entire episode is dedicated to it. Janet tries to get an explanation out of Joe. Fair enough. Joe doesn't say much of anything. Janet becomes upset with Joe, as well as her parents for giving her a name that went out of style in the 1940's. She returns to the hotel lobby to meet all her abductee friends. Joe is close behind her. Everyone questions him, he's a regular Kate Austen Joe tells them that this organization is doing good. Doesn't he mean doing well? No. Charles, (or Chuck, as I like to call him cause we're buds) very intelligently, points out "Hitler thought he was doing good!" OH HEY GOOD POINT! Hitler is ALWAYS a good argumentative point. He definitely ISN'T an extreme example that shouldn't be brought up because nothing (NOTHING) will ever compare to what he orchestrated. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think Hitler and Nazism has any place in a rationale debate. But hey, Chuck's CrAzY (We're buds.) Apparently this program has been going on for 50 years and thousands of people have participated in it. Blackham isn't happy so, naturally, he hits Joe in the face and kicks him in the stomach while he's down. Apparently this organization finds people who they think will have a significant role in the world. Even Blackham? Joe decides to go see Tom. You know Tom. He's the guy who watches everyone from behind the cameras. The guy who used to use the chinese restaurant chef as a front, but apparently that isn't as interesting as him staring at monitors. When Joe walks into the back room, Tom asks him, "Why are you here?" Joe answers his question WITH ANOTHER QUESTION: "Why did you let me in?" Yeah, you showed him, Joe. "To say goodbye to guy who used to be a friend." Oh, cheesy and sad, but more cheesy. Back in the hotel, I've decided, Erika is really lame. She is a terrible replacement for Tori. But Erika does get stuff done, so that's good. I guess. Erika accuses Janet of being in love with Joe. Obviously screaming that you're not in love with him would raise suspicion, so, "I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM!!" Well done, Janet. Joe and Chuck meet in the coffee shop (apparently this town has a coffee shop.) and Chuck really opens up to Joe, BUT FOR A PRICE! Chuck tells him about that his wife is dead and he's worth $80 Million. Joe could have anything. All the girls could be snappin' at Joe. Is it a deal? You let Joe out in exchange for snapping ladies? No deal. Did you forget about Janet's ex-husband and his love muffin (That's what people having sex with each other call each other, right?) Well, now the police are after them! Way to go! This is what happens when you don't pay attention to increasingly more interesting story line that originally seemed unimportant but is now more engaging than the main characters! So these guys are running from the police. As they're running they run into some guy in a wheelchair. But it's not just any guy in a wheel chair. It's a guy with a gun in a wheel chair! But it's not just any guy with a gun in a wheel chair, it's Tori's dad with a gun in a wheel chair! Back in town, the power's crazy. Oh, also, the night manager is back! Somebody's heard crying in the distance. Janet runs outside to find Joe trying to kill himself on the painwall. Blackham gets in a fight, or something. For whatever reason somebody slaps his hands with a broom and he gets really hurt, somehow. As Joe was throwing himself into the painwall I realized. "Can the painwall actually kill someone or just pain them?" The abductees convince Joe to leave the painwall (I'm pretty sure that's not what it's actually called, but also, this show kind of sucks, so, yeah.) Joe is cleaning himself in his bathroom when Janet walks in and says, "I don't know who you are anymore Joe." CLASSIC LINE! Oops, did I say classic? I meant Cliché. Tori's dad tells Remi (I think that's his name) about "the organization." They made him who he is. A guy who lies about needing a wheel chair? They have to take down the organization. Even though they're responsible for him becoming the American ambassador to Italy and have been doing good things for 50+ years, they killed his daughter and kidnapped Remi's ex-wife, the latter of which they've been doing for 50+ years with no problems. WHAT?! While snooping Erika and Janet find that Joe has a drawer full of information about the abductees! Dental records?! Youbetchya! They tell the other abductees, who decide to take Joe to jail. As they walk through the lobby the night manager asks "What's going on?"
"We Found a rat in your hotel."
"I'll make a note of it in my nightly report." We missed you night manager. Be in more episodes, please? They put Joe in prison, handcuffs and all. Joe wants to explain himself, but Janet won't let him say anything until he lets her take the cuffs off. And she's really adamant about it. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not the logical way of going about things. Erika is back in Joe's room reading everyone's reports. Isn't Erika SO INTERESTING!?! No. Erika whispers Graham's secrets to Moira. Yeah, Moira! The secret? Graham killed people for money? But it's more complicated than that! Graham promises. Chuck (who you may know as my bud) brings the imprisoned Joe a Cherry Cola from 1983. Joe calls the people who run the organization "Slippery Bastards" and Chuck kind of nods and goes "huh." You guys, this prison is just a prison inside a prison. Luckily, Chuck's a nice guy and lets Joe out. But they're caught by Tom! He pulls a gun on Joe! Charlie's told to leave. Joe and Tom discuss the organization (which has no name, by the way.) Joe compliments Tom sincerely and says, "I wanted what you had. And now you're going to kill me?" Tom takes him to the chinese restaurant. Charlie throws a bottle at Tom to knock him out and gets shot in the leg. Just before Tom is going to kill Joe, Janet throws olive oil on Tom. Tom runs into the oven and bursts into flames. You know how they always use touching an oven to explain pain tolerance. Yeah, Tom, that. As they carry Charles out Blackham walks in and asks what's going on. This is when I realized, Blackham is NEVER around when something interesting is happening. He always comes in late. That got me thinking, what is he doing all the time? It's not like there's anything to do but talk to people you're stuck with, right? So, what's Blackham doing? Then I stopped caring, because that doesn't matter. Joe is in his bedroom, drawing himself a bath (I love that phrase, drawing a bath. It's great). Janet begins talking to him, but is looking out the window while he's in the bathroom. When Joe doesn't respond to one of her questions she walks into the bathroom to find... Joe's gone! Apparently that bath outdrew him. (What?)


No comments: