I watched two movies today. One of them was Blade Runner. The other was Shrek the Third. One was great. The other was Shrek the Third. Shrek the third is not the greatest movie ever, despite what I said in the title. It's no the first Shrek. It's not even as good as the second one, which I only remember as being good because of the soundtrack, which is pretty good for a kid's movie. (Shrek 2 got me into Eels and Tom Waits) Shrek 3 begins with Shrek and Fiona as ogres being all ogre-y. Apparently the king of Far Far Away has turned into a frog and can't be the king. So Shrek is the new king and Fiona is the queen. But Shrek doesn't like being king for whatever reason. Also, Fiona is pregnant. That's an important subplot. What's with all these kid's movies having subplots nowadays? I remember when all kid's movies were were toasters going to mars. Now those were the days. So Shrek the King asks the frog king if there's any way he can be not king. And the frog king is like "There is! His name is hurrr I'm dying!!" Then he tells Shrek the kid's name is Arthur. And with that information, and not much more, Shrek sets off to find him. As the boat is pulling away Fiona's like "I'm pregnant!" And Shrek is all like "lulz what?! I can't hear you because I'm so far away and I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you so I'm probably going to be a terrible father!" That's what he yells at Fiona. So Shrek finally finds Arthur at a jousting match. You see, there are two guys jousting. One of them is big and tough and just destroys the other guy, who's scrawny and nerdy and weak. Shrek thinks Arthur is the winner, but Arthur's the other guy! HAHAHA!!!! Who saw that coming?! (everyone.) So they go do some stuff, I guess, I wasn't really paying attention. Then Prince Charming, who is apparently in this movie, is not only putting on a show in which he will kill Shrek, but also he kidnapped everyone in Shrek's party without Shrek realizing, somehow. All of the princesses (one of whom is a transvestite!) and the queen are stuck in the dungeon. They talk about escaping. Then the queen reveals they can easily escape because she CAN KNOCK DOWN BRICK WALLS WITH HER HEAD! To which I asked "Why didn't she do that earlier?" At some point Shrek is shackled by Prince Charming and brought on stage to be killed in front of an audience. I remind you now, THIS IS A KID'S MOVIE! Then everyone Shrek knows leaps on stage and fights Prince Charming and his minions. I guess Shrek's team wins because there is going to be a fourth movie. (once again, I was not paying attention.) In the end of Shrek the Third Arthur becomes king and Shrek and Fiona go back to living in the swamp. Also, at one point Shrek begins dreaming about babies and it gets totally crazy. It was like this ("great") scene from Gymkata.