LOST Running Diary: HURLEY EPISODE!

Thom here. This is going to be a "stream of consciousness" type deal. I'm excited, so let's do this!

.The episode is called "Everybody Loves Hugo." Previous episode references, FTW!

.Hugo and (person willing to meet him)! Sitting in a tree! OK, Sorry...

.So, uh... would the owner of a fast food chain REALLY get citizen of the year? That seems kind of unbelievable to me.

.HOLY SHIT, IT'S MICHAEL! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!

.I had seriously made a "Michael shoots Libby" joke, like 4 seconds before Michael popped up. WHERE'S MY BOY? THEY TOOK ME SON! I GOTTA GET HIM OFF THIS ISLAND!!!!

.WOW IT'S LIBBY WHAT A SURPRISE. I NEVER EXPECTED THAT AT ALL.

.It would be the best if Michael randomly shot Libby in the alternaverse. MAKE THIS HAPPEN, DAMON/CARLTON.

.Hugo, do you believe that one person can escape from a mental institution that you were also at? Because, uh...that's what happened. K BAI.

.HOLYFUCKINGSHIT! I'M TELLIN' Y'ALL IT'S SAAAAAAAAAAAABOTAGE! Bye, stuck-up bitch from The Namesake!

.Locke, King of Double Entendres: "You were only able to come back to this Island because you all did it together." Hee hee hee... orgies. That's what I was implying.

.DEZ! He's my favorite.

.Yeah, Richard. Let's get more dynamite. The TWO separate characters that have died from the old-ass Black Rock dynamite, TOTALLY isn't a massive red flag.

.HOLY SHIT, SAMM LEVINE (of "Freaks and Geeks" fame) works at Mr. Clucks! Also, Dez!

.The fact that Hurley puts himself in his restaurant's advertisements slays me.

.Dez: "Crazy chicks are great in bed." Or, something like that. That might be a misquote.

.Not-Locke: "Do you mind if I ask you a few cut your face off -- I mean questions."

.Existential Ben is totally trolling everybody. "HAY GUYZ, maybe we all blow up, too! The Island, and stuff!" Might carry more weight if he wasn't smirking the entire time.

.Hurley just executed one of the slowest "Guy runs from exploding object" scenes in the history of entertainment.

.Richard is not amused.

.Dead people "yell," at Hurley. That seems... rude.

.Hey, that doctor was in X-Men! Also, Libby again!

.Aww, Hurley's a nice guy. Even to crazy people!

.Hurley's taking Desmond's advice. He wants some of that torrid, crazy-person sex.

.I'm pretty sure that kid just bugs Locke. A Dennis the Menace to Not-Locke's Mr. Wilson, if you will.

.Ben and Richard = Buddy Cop movie waiting to happen. I need either that, or a Miles-Sawyer one.

.Hugo has smoke monster-induced stage fright. PUSSY!

.That's not how you hold a rifle, Lapidus. Well, unless you WANT to dislocate your shoulder.

.EXPLANATION! The whispers are people that can't move on from the Island.

.Was that Anna Lucia in the background? We will see.

.BEING AT THE BEACH WITH HURLEY SEEMS SO FAMILIAR. FAMILIAR.

.Make out theme music: "It's all coming back to me now" by Celine Dion.

.AWWW SHIT, DESMOND WAS STALKING THEM! Probably trying to get in on some of that hot, crazy action.

.Just saw an advertisement for the KFC "double down" sandwich. Gross... yet strangely intriguing. I'll probably buy one...

.HOLY CRAP. Angry Dharma Nerd from last year is going to be on Modern Family tomorrow!

.It's the Bono well! (Only Jake will get that reference)

.Locke on the well: "So old..." HOW OLD IS IT???

.Uh oh. Not-Locke's got the rape eyes going.

.Throwing Desmond down a well = DICK MOVE.

.Finally! The long awaited Hurley/Sawyer reunion!

.Doesn't it stand to reason that Not-Locke could have a second knife? Or just turn into smoke? Handing over the knife is symbolic at best.

.Teacher Ben totally thinks Dez is a pedo! The truth is much worse. He runs over crippled people.

.Seriously, what the hell?!? That's what this episode ends on? I mean, wat? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???

Pretty good episode. The promo for next week used Gene Wilder's "Scary Tunnel" monologue from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. So, uh. OK.