Friday, February 20, 2009
Did you watch the latest episode of LOST?
It was really good, even though Kate was in it (and Aaron was in Kate, more on that later.)
Here goes LOST summary 5x06 scene by scene.
Scene 1: Jacks eye! What? This was the first shot from the pilot! What's happening?! This is exactly the same as the pilot... wait... no it's not. Something is different... Jack is holding a piece of torn paper that says "I wish" (I wish this show would never end! Actually, not really.) Hurley is screaming for Jack. WHAT?! They already know each other? This is getting really weird and we're only one minute into the show. Jack runs through the jungle to eventually find Hurley grasping for his life. We hear some seriously heavy breathing, It's not Jack, and Hurley is yelling, so it can't be him. No one else is on screen, or around either of them. Who is panting? I think it's Vincent, we haven't seen him in a while. (Damon and Carlton have promised only one character is guaranteed to live to the end of the show, and that is Vincent.) Hurley is drowning! OH NO! If you thought he could swim, you forgot one major aspect of physics, fat people sink! DUH! Also, Hurley has a guitar. Jack saves Hurley, YEAH! then notices Kate unconscious on a rock! Please be dead, Please be dead, Please be dead!!! DAMMIT SHE'S NOT DEAD! Then she's all "Are we???" and Jack is all "Yeah, we're back."
46 Hours Earlier
Scene 2: Ms. Hawking is lighting candles in that "church" Ben, Sun, Jack and Desmond walk in. Wait a second, they've already used this scene. I'm beginning to think this whole episode will just be stock footage that the editors put together because the writers got drunk instead of writing a new episode. Ms. Hawking then brings them into this room and says "Shall we?" walking walking walking DHARMA LOGO! DOOR! PENDULUM! LONGITUDE AND LATITUDE GRAPH! LIGHTS! BUTTONS! GIANT FLOOR MAP OF THE WORLD! This station is called the lamppost. This is how they found the island." WHOA!!! How completely unexpected! Actually, it was quite expected.
Slanty, Blurry LOST logo
Scene 3: Still in the lamppost. Jack asks Ben if he knew about "this place" Ben says no. Jack asks Ms. Hawking if he's telling the truth. "Probably not." Jack sees a photo on the chalk board dated 9/23/54 - US Army - OP 264 - Top Secret - Eyes Only Oceanic 815 crashed on September 22, 2004. Significant? probably, everything is significant on this show. Ms. Hawking explains what this station is, electro magnetism, connected to the island, blah blah blah She says some "clever fellow" decided to look for where the island was going to be. Desmond gives her the perfect look, just "What are you on?" She says the island is always moving, then punches the losties in the gut by saying "Why do you think you were never rescued?" That's cold Ms. Hawking, that's cold. That explains the polar bear, and probably the black rock. Ms. H explains there are windows that will "provide a route back." She says the windows don't stay open for very long "yours closes in 36 hours"Hold up, did it really take 10 hours to get from the monastery to the DHARMA station and explain all that? That's a bit of a waste of time Ms. H. I don't think the losties appreciate such wastefulness. Desmond freaks because they want to go back to the island (THEY HAVE TO GO BACK!) He walks over to Ms. H and yells about Daniel Faraday, Ms. H says the island isn't finished with him yet. Desmond is ppiiiiiiissssed. He says he was told it was his "bloody purpose" Desmond tells jack "These people are just playing a game and we're the pieces." yes, yes they are, but the board is broken, so THEY HAVE TO GO BACK. Then Desmond looks all crazy with his eyes, he then almost gets hit by the pendulum. Ms. H tells them they have to get on Ajira flight 316. Hey! 316 is the title of the episode!! She tells them they must recreate flight 815 as best they can. Then SHE almost gets hit by the pendulum, they really must be more careful.
Scene 4: Ms. H gives Jack John's suicide note, then says he's acting as a proxy. Jack's dumb and says "A proxy for who?" OH OH PICK ME! PICK ME! I KNOW! I KNOW! Is it Christian Shepard? Then Jack is dumb again and is all "THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!" And Ms. H says "jack, you're dumb." Those weren't her exact words, but it was implied.
Scene 5: Jack comes out and asks Ben dumb questions. Then Ben tells Jack a story about Thomas the apostle and how he had to touch Jesus' wounds to be convinced and Jack asks if he was and Ben says "of course." OOOH! Parallelism! Ben starts walking away and says he made a promise to an old friend, "just a loose end that needs tying up." Kind of like the finale of this show.
Scene 6: Jack is in a bar and gets a call, he goes to a nursing home and meets his grandpa, who isn't appreciative of magic shows. How dare he?! Magic shows are always awesome! Haven't you ever seen "Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed"? That show is awesome? Grandpa asks Jack whatever happened between him and that stupid whore Kate? Jack finds his dad's shoes and asks if he can have them in an overly dramatic way.
Scene 7: Jack is back home "gettin' his drink on." When he hears a noise. A woman is passed out in his bed, It's Kate! Is she dead? Please be dead, Please be dead, Please be dead!!! DAMMIT SHE'S NOT DEAD! Jack asks where Aaron is and she freaks out and tells him to never ask her about Aaron ever again. Then they make out.
Scene 8: Jack gets out two glasses of Orange juice. Kate walks in and is all "morning" (I think they did more than make out in scene 7.) God, Kate, you're so dumb, Why do you sucks so much? Jack tells her he's made coffee and Orange Juice. "You still like Milk and two sugars?" In your orange juice? Gross Kate, that's why no one likes you, also because you clubbed Claire over the head and stole her baby. Jack then goes on to tell Kate about his Daddy issues, boo hoo, everyone on this show has daddy issues. (Remember that time Kate blew up her dad?) Kate asks what seems like it's supposed to be a really profound question, but just comes across sounding retarded "Why hold on to something that makes you sad?" *phone rings* Jack was "saved by the bell" HAR! HAR! HAR! Ben is on the other end, he's been beat up. Jack needs to know pick up Locke's body. The body is at Simon's Butcher Shop.
Scene 9: Simon's Butcher Shop. Jack goes to the back and puts his father's shoes on Locke. Luckily, the two wear the same show size, because of the island, the island is magic! Jack puts the suicide note back in the coffin, unopened!!!
Scene 10: Jack is checking into the airport, the guy behind him says he's sorry about Jack's friend, who is this guy? (spoiler: He's on the same flight!!) Jack sees Kate walking through the airport. He's standing at security and Sun says "Jack!" and Jack says "Sun!" Sun says "You are surprised to see me?" No, Sun, he's not surprised to see you, He's surprised because you snuck up behind him and yelled his name. Jack sees Sayid being escorted by what appears to be a lady FBI agent.
Scene 11: Hurley is at the boarding gate and tells the woman he's bought the remaining 78 seats. Jack walks up and asks how he got to the airport. Hurley is real mysterious and says it doesn't matter, he's there now.
Scene 12: Jack is walking through the plane and goes up to Kate and says "You made it" and Kate says, "yeah, I made it." YEAH Kate! Good job, good job getting on the plane All. By. Your. Self. Good Kate! Here, have a treat. Ben rushes onto the plane right before the door closes. Hurley does not like that. "No one told me he was going to be here!" Ben: "Who told you to be here?" Hurley gives that look like he's seen a ghost, and that ghost told him to get on the plane, and that ghost was Charlie. The stewardess gives Jack Locke's note (FATE) Jack asks Ben "what's going to happen to the other people on this plane?" and Ben simply says "Who cares?" Jack walks up to Kate's seat and asks "How did Sayid and Hurley get here?" and Kate goes against character and says "They bought a ticket." ZING! That's a Ben line! The pilot comes on the intercom and says "This is Frank Lapidus." awesome. Jack asks the stewardess if he can talk to the pilot. Lapidus comes out of the cockpit (sans his beard NOOOOO!!!!)
I'm going to write this in script fashion, because it's all leading up to one of the greatest lines on LOST ever!
Lapidus: Small world, what are you doing going to Guam?
Jack: What are you doing here frank?
Lapidus: I picked this gig up about 8 months ago. I fly this route all the time. Sometimes I fly the big birds into New Dheli.
Frank sees Sayid, Kate, Hurley and Ben.
Lapidus: Is that Sayid? and Hurley? Wait a second... We're not going to Guam, are we?
Scene 13: It's night now, Ben is reading "Ulysses" Jack asks "How can you read?" Ben, without even looking up says "My mother taught me." Ben then looks up, "I can read, Jack, because it beats what you're doing. Waiting for something to happen." "And what's going to happen?" Ben, "You tell me, you're the one who got to stay after school with Ms. Hawking." Ben chuckles a little and it's really funny. Jack finally opens the envelope, all the note says is "Jack, I wish you had believed me. JL" Then, TURBULENCE! TURBULENCE! TURBULENCE! Then, a falsh, aaaanddd... Scene 1: Jacks eye! What? This was the first shot from the pilot! What's happening?! This is exactly the same as the pilot... wait... no it's not. Something is different... Jack is holding a piece of torn paper that says "I wish" (I wish this show would never end! Actually, not really.) Hurley is screaming for Jack. WHAT?! They already know each other? This is getting really weird and we're only one minute into the show. Jack runs through the jungle to eventually find Hurley grasping for his life. We hear some seriously heavy breathing, It's not Jack, and Hurley is yelling, so it can't be him. No one else is on screen, or around either of them. Who is panting? I think it's Vincent, we haven't seen him in a while. (Damon and Carlton have promised only one character is guaranteed to live to the end of the show, and that is Vincent.) Hurley is drowning! OH NO! If you thought he could swim, you forgot one major aspect of physics, fat people sink! DUH! Also, Hurley has a guitar. Jack saves Hurley, YEAH! then notices Kate unconscious on a rock! Please be dead, Please be dead, Please be dead!!! DAMMIT SHE'S NOT DEAD! Then she's all "Are we???" and Jack is all "Yeah, we're back."
The 3 of them start talking to each other. They make a fool-proof plan. A DHARMA van drives up and who comes out and points a gun? None other than JIN!
So, where's Aaron? Simple. Kate ate him. Ms. Hawking said they had to recreate flight 815. On the original flight, Aaron was in a woman's belly (Claire) So, Kate put Aaron in her belly, by eating him. It's a fact, don't try to argue it.