Friday, February 4, 2011

Apparently Jersey Shore is required to have at least one Sammi/Sonnie episode per season

Season 2 of Jersey Shore was by far the worst because a lot of it was about Sammi and Ronnie's budding/crumbling relationship. This episode was all about their relationship. Luckily, the producers of the show let us see three trips to Karma to make up for the fact that Sammi and Ronnie are terrible, uninteresting people. Last week, Ronnie and Sammi seemed to hit rock bottom and are finally rising for the ashes. NOPE! Everything seems fine, everyone in the house is getting hella drunk at Karma. Mike picks up some girl. Snooki hooks up with one of Ronnie's friends. You know, the usual. They all go back to the house. Ronnie drank WAY too much though and is now throwing up in a shopping bag while The Situation is on the other side of the room situating himself with this girl. (ew.) The next morning Ronnie is pooping blood. lolololol But seriously, that's terrible. He goes to the doctor and the doctor's like "You're pooping blood, you shouldn't drink alcohol." and Ronnie's like "OK." Then he and Sammi make bloody poop jokes in the waiting room, after the appointment. Apparently they don't understand what a WAITING ROOM is. Snooki is on the boardwalk, the same boardwalk on which she once danced with herself, with Ronnie's friend, Paul or something. She and Paul are having a gay ol' time, but then Paul drops a bombshell. He used to be engaged! Snooki freaks out. He tries to make it up to her, but she won't have any of it. Later he calls the house and has a shouting match with Snooki. She hangs up on him. Female Empowerment! (right?) He calls back and Pauly D answers the phone pretending to be the answering machine. A clip so great I'm actually going to embed it!

(Aol bleeped out ass at the end, for whatever reason. Net Neutrality! (right?))

Pauly D is my favorite. For as often as the lot of 'em go to the club, or smoosh, you would think that's my favorite part of the show. It's not. It's actually the mundane times when they're just sitting around the house pretending to be answering machines or come up with words that kind of sound like Stalk. As you may have guessed from watching that clip, they were getting ready to go to Karma. They're all ready, waiting for Sammi to come down stairs and get in the cabs, which are here. She's busy straightening her hair, which is already straight as Mike points out. She's yelling at Ronnie about something and he's yelling back. Vinny mentions "This must be what hell is like." and Mike says "Yep." like he's never agreed with anything more in his entire life. She finally yells downstairs that she's not coming. She'd rather stay home with Ronnie, who wants only to stay home alone. At Karma, Pauly D finds Whatsername, the stalker from season one and threw a drink on Pauly D early on in this season. They make up and he brings her back to the house. Once there, Vinny gives her shit about being a stalker, as does Deena, who wasn't there in season one. Later everybody's sitting on the couch and Pauly D and Vinny, quite literally, exchange words that sound like "Stalker." As great as pauly D and Vinny hanging out is, we have more important matter to attend to. For example, Ronnie and Sammi's relationship. Sammi's been asking Ronnie if they should break up, but Ronnie's pretty apathetic about the thing. Finally he can't take her anymore and says "Fine. We're done." But Sammi isn't satisfied. You see, he's trying to sleep and not facing her. She tells him to turn around and break up with her. Eventually he does. FINALLY! No more dealing with Sammi's craziness! OOPSISPOKETOOSOON! Now she's asking him for closure. What? You forced him to break up with you. Coming this summer, The Jersey Shore Movie starring Andrew Garfield and Brenda Song.

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