Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A short biography of the newest Kool Thingzzz writer.

We've decided to add some femininity to Kool Thingzzz, Jeneen. She'll probably post more than Thomas. Here's a short biography of Jeneen:

Jeneen Hussein Garchow was born in 1901 to a chinese immigrant father and a porpoise mother. In 1910 Jeneen flew to the moon in secret and fended off all moon men so there would be none when we flew there in 1969. After her heroics on the moon she returned to earth and found her parents had been murdered by circus freaks. Seeking vengeance, Jeneen became the masked missionary going to circuses without paying admission! At one of these circuses she met Mark. Mark was the newest member of the acrobatics team and was mocked mercilessly by his acrobatic acquaintances. (There was SO MUCH alliteration in that last sentence!) Jeneen felt bad for Mark and met him after the show. Jeneen and Mark fell so deeply in love they married in 1937. The two were happily married for 23 years before Jeneen found her husband was actually a zombie and had been dead for at least 50 years. Jeneen shot her husband in the brain as soon as she found out. Upset, she went to the nearest pet store and bought their entire stock of cats. These cats were the love of her life until the cat apocalypse of 1983. In 1987 Jeneen met with Island records and later released the top-selling album "Lots of stuff and other stuff" which featured the number one hit "16 and hanging out at the mall." Her fans never knew she was an 86 year old woman singing about being a teenager. When she was found out her career died and Island records ceased to exist. In 1993 Jeneen was on the first season of VH1's "The Surreal Life." She became so popular she was given a sitcom on NBC called "How'd that get there?!" The show was considered the "Seinfeld" of the '90s. In 2003 Jeneen ended the show saying she "wanted to spend more time with [her] family." A family that did not actually exist. After six years of living in giant playhouse she was approached by Jakenthom to be a writer for the famed blog KoolThingzzz saying they "decided to add some femininity to Kool Thingzzz."

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